Demonic God of the Forest of Death
by lemmesee
Summary: Naruto has been persecuted for having the demon sealed in him. But at the full moon, the demon connects to him more than whiskers and a seal. It causes a connection to a certain forest. YAOI SCENESPERV! MAY CAUSE SOME RELIGIOUS FURY! I'M SORRY IF I OFFEND
1. Introductions, the change

Summery: Naruto always had the demon fox sealed within him. Ever since birth. But upon the night when the main orb of the night sky is at his peak, Kyuubi joins his physical aspects even further beyond the whisker marks on his cheeks. This act does cause a strange connection with the forest...a forest of death.

Warnings: MAY contain yaoi! I'm not sure yet, so no flaming!

**_Konoha_**

A boy, not even six, shivered in the darkest alley. Cold, hungry, and bleeding, he cried. He cried for his pain. Pain of his wounds and that his own village had done it to him. He threw his head back and screamed at the moon.

Which was full.

He began to change, painfully and still screaming an animalistic howl. The boy's spine stretched and bent until he stood on all fours. His palms and bottom of his feet became coarse and claws burst through where his fingernails grew into corse claws. His face lengthen into a snout with the whisker scars petruding, and his eyes turned from sky blue to a hue darker than blood with slitted pupils. He curled into a ball as his tail burst free from concealment and ears changed into the pointed for of foxes. Finally his torture ended as he was covered head to toe with fuzz.

Shaking off the remaining blood, he hesitantly began to trod, wincing at his sensitive pads. What had happened to him?

From out on the street, a commotion resulted from the scream the boy let loose earlier. "It was from there! It was a...a something! Kill it!" A woman shrieked to a group of off-duty guardians of the villiageninja.

Naruto winced, his ears way to sensitive for the shrill voice. He leaped up, on to the roof, clearing a twenty foot jump.

"A...a something? Wow that sounds very scary," a man mocked, "Don't worry about it, sweetheart. We'll kill the a...a something for you!" A thwack ended his sarcastic speech for him.

Quite a few men swarmed the space Naruto was just sitting in. They glanced around but, finding nothing, laughed at the woman following them.

"Shut up! I _heard _something hear! Everyone _heard _something!"

_**That was you, kit. Your screaming woke them up. Hell, your screaming even woke ME up!**_

_Who are you? _the boy flinced at the sudden voice in his head. Great, so along with growing a furball-coat, he was hearing voices too...

_**Never mind that. Just get out of here.**_

And Naruto, so stupid and trusting, leapt out toward the forest next to The Hidden Leaf Village.

The forest

Naruto grabbed on to a passing branch, swinging around it once before letting go to land on his head. Naruto sat up and shook his head to clear the stars. For good measure, the boy licked his new paw and attempted to rub off the dirt.

**_Wow. Very graceful. But can we save the bath till later? _**the voice snickered.

_Shaddup. Yet again, who the hell are you?_

**_I am the most powerful of the Demon Lords of the Makai world. I am omnipotent to the point that I can kill all of the gods, demons, and the puny, mundane, mortals. Many bow down to me, and those who do not, die beneath my paw. My name as Mortals call me is Kyuubi, the Nine-Tailed Youkai Fox. _**The voice boomed within Naruto's head.

Naruto thought blandly, although his head was tingling from the force, _So why are you in me?_

**_It's your father's fault, _**the demon scowled even though he had no body.

The young boy promptly went on alert, _Father? You knew my father? What did he do?_

_**He sealed me-The All Knowing Demon Lords!-in to a brat.**_

_Oh...who?_

Kyuubi gave the mental equivalence of slapping his hand to his face, **_Ah, damn you Kami. You just had to stick me in an idiot._**

Naruto blinked, not entirely certain how this was directed at him. His face took on a small scowl as he tried to think...then something in his brain-er-head popped, _HEY! I AM NOT AN IDIOT! YOU ARE JUST A FOX-TEME_!

**_Oh good Lord._** Kyuubi wailed, covering his sensitive fox ears, **_DON'T do that again!_**

_Then shut up._

Kyuubi shook his head and silently vowed that the next time he saw God (Kami) he was going too kick the puny little –...

Um...excuse me? A little voice piped up, Ah, we where wondering...what exactly are you?

Naruto spun around to face a small furry creature. The creatue, if the boy remembered what his teacher said correctly, was called a "Tree-Cat." A very shy but powerful creature. If anyone somehow got a pelt of one, they could become really rich. Whose we? Naruto questioned the scared beast. His voice was rough, almost as if he hadn't used it in over a month.

The forest of course. Anyway, who are you?

A much deeper, powerful voice chimed in, Yes, you smell rather strange. I do not believe I have ever smelled any human quite like that before. A wolf, slunk out of the shadows, keeping a wary eye on the boy.

The part human rosed to his hunches in surprise. He had not paid any attention to his surrondings and was completely caught off guard. I'm Naruto... He took in a deep breath through his nose. And was overwhelmed by the scents that flooded his way. Automatically, his brain began too sort and name them. Some of which the poor boy had never actually heard off.

_Beaver-_ a large semiaquatic rodent noted for gnawing though trees in order to make dams.

_Bear- _a large heavy mammal with thick fur and short tail.

_Squirrel- _an agile tree dwelling rodent with bushy tail, typically feeding on nuts and seeds.

_Hawk- _a fast-flying bird of prey with broad rounded wings and long tail.

Naruto began to reel with different facts and the assault on his nose. Black began welled up in to his vision, drowning his sight. Beginning to slump, Naruto gripped his head as it began to also name off nearby plants.

Hey, don't faint on us now! the squirrel he had smelled earlier chittered at him, We still need to get you to Kami!

Flicker, you dumbass! the beaver accompanying the small group snapped, Kami _specifically _said...

Flicker twitched, Well, it's not like I can help it! You very well know how I am supposed to talk talk talk. I swear it sometimes just pours out of my mouth kind of like a waterfall! You know the waterfall were all the water-you know-falls? But I did hear a waterfall that fell up instead of down! Can you imagine that, falling up?! In fact, my great-aunt used to tell me...

Tree-cat smiled as close as an animal could get to smiling as the rest growled in annoyance, previously hearing this story. The feral cat nipped at the rags Naruto was still wearing and proceeded to drag him off supposedly to Kami.

Well, fishcake the wolf smirked, Guess fair is fair. My name's Blur, the female that has your sleeve is Ashfur, the grumpy flat tail is Fantail, Flicker is Flicker, tall dark and stupid is Bartholomew and the feathered-brain is Gene.

A whisper of a voice came from the trees above them, You do realize Blur, that I could, at anytime, take time to explain to Bartholomew what you really mean as you say all the things that you insult his intelligence. Especially when he could flatten you with one blow from his paw. Naruto found to himself that he liked the voice. It held no anger despite the words, only mild amusement.

Bartholomew, the bear, seemed to smile blandly. But as soon as he caught Naruto's eye, he winked. The fox-boy had to hide his own smile.

**_What's so funny? _**Kyuubi snarled, feeling like he missed something.

_Oh nothing. Nothing at all._

Bickers continued back and forth as Ashfur dragged him to a clearing. Naruto was nudged forward into the fairy ring as the animals fell back, their eyes going wide in wonder, as they reconized this ritual.

As Naruto entered a ring of the greenest grass he had ever seen, the wind picked up. His ears twitching and eyes watering, Naruto could barely make out a man walking toward him. The boys body separated into two. One was a boy, the sun-kissed blond, brightest blue eyes as seen in the beginning. The second was a man, with hair and eyes the color of new blood and fox ears. The world stopped for a second...

And then the not quite humans became one.

**WHEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!**

My first chapter of my first published story is _DONE!_

Review to tell me how I'm doing!


	2. Ohhh, here's to the light!

Totally sorry it took so long! But there was outside issues and then my computer decided it didn't like me anymore, _sob._ So anyway, excuses aside, thank you so much for reading the new part of Demonic God of the Forest of Death! And thanks even more so to **Halo666** (this is going to be yaoi, but not Kyuubi/Naruto kind wink) and **Ayumi666** (here's the update!) for reviewing. Makes me all teary inside to know people read this!

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! I no own Naru-chan!

Hey! You alright? You kinda, sorta fainted on us dude! What happened? There was a weird wishy light and BOOM! You were out cold! a chattering on-going noise came from over the stirring boy.

Naruto's eyes began to flutter open as the beaver-Fantail-snapped at Flicker's running mouth, No shit sherlock!

Well, I can't smell anything and I haven't had any sort of accident in over a month unless you count the time Bart tried to grab me out of the way of that weird-ass boar…Hey wait a leaf! You just insulted me didn't you?

Oh my good kami, Gene muttered to himself, And here I thought Bart was the idiot...

Naruto groaned at the noise and cradled his deformed head in his newly formed paws, that were until recently human hands, Can we please save the arguing, or shitting whatever, until my head is empty of the damned pointy rocks? the boy pleaded to the group as a whole. He paused then added as afterthought, And could someone please tell me what happened? What 'wishy' light?!

_It's rather simple really,_ a voice in his head whispered, _I choose you as my heir for the rest of eternity._

_Heir?! What the hell? To what? _Naruto sat up in suprise with his eyes as wide as his favorite ramen bowl. He chose to ignore the strange looks he received from the animals to await an answer.

But he was ignored, as the new voice complimented, _Nice place you have here. It's very...roomy. But I have the feeling that it smells like...ramen?_

**_I feel that way too. But truly, there's all the more room to lie down, and I do believe the stink well get getting used to, _**Naruto swore he felt Kyuubi grin,**_ But if you don't mind, I also want to know whose residing in my mortal's body._**

The newbie sighed but finally relented, _This is my forest. I am the Kami, ruled over this land since time began. Unfortunatly, my time draws short. Your container is whom I have chosen as my succesor._

For a whole second, Kyuubi and Naruto were stunned into silence. But, as Naruto's personality dictates, it wouldn't be for long, _Why?! Why has fate determined me as the holder of two more spirits other than my own, trapped in my body?! My god, one is a frickin' kami of a damn forest, the other a damned demon king-thingy-ma-jig! What on earth did I do that made me deserve this hell?!_

**_You were born,_** the parasites grinned. One of Naruto's foxy ears twitched in annoyance and he proceeded to ignore them. 

Jeez, are you all right dude? You look really out of it! Not, like, fainting out of it, but way into the woods out of it, you know? Have you been eating some leaves that you're not supposed to? I remember when Blur did that once! He ate a couple and for a straight sun cycle, he went on and on about "Looking at the pretty lights and the twittering birds!" Of course that's nothing to when Fantail fell for a badger. Now that was freaking funny!

Shut UP Flicker! Blur and Fantail yelled. 

Ashfur's tail flicked in annoyance, He's not harming anyone, bakas - idiots. You grump-pants leave him alone, then she turned to the past-human and became worried, Still, are you alright boy? You do look somewhat out of it...and you look alittle different now.

**_Just now he looks different? You should have seen this damned mortal a hour ago when he was standing on two legs, _**Kyuubi grumbled in Naruto's mind, somewhat peeved at being ignored. 

Naruto giggled, his fangs flashing in the moonlight,_ You do realize she can't hear you?_

That's because of your insignificant human charka is not adequate enough to support projection of your thoughts, let alone ours.

_Huh?_

Kami sighed, _We'll train you later, so everyone can hear our thoughts._

**_Whaddya mean "we" you-_**(edited out, even I can't type this crude display of insults.)

_Well jeez! Love you too!_

**Kami?! **Naruto snapped out of his thoughts to the group of animals. Fantail roared at a smug Gene who looked liked he was preening. _I think I'll have to train you on how to tune out thoughts so you don't miss anything crutial._

Blur snarled at the boy, He's puny! How come he's alpha?!

Oh, that makes sense, Ashfur dismissed the issue to opt to clean herself.

Bart had a stupid smile plastered on his face, but tactfully maneuvered him between the now ranting Flicker from the two nearly homicidal animals. (His rant included, but not limited to: I totally knew that kid was special! You two whizbags were too arrogant to believe me! Haha! Stupid, stupid, and stupid! YAY! The rant was also accompinied by the "squirrel happy dance" that is not unlike "that squirrel has mental issues" dance.)

He hasn't done anything to deserve this title! The _human _will pay! Without any further ado, Blur lunged towards Naruto. A snarl ripped from the wolf's throat in anger as the jaws flew towards the boy. **_Duck!!_** echoed through the boy's head as Naruto dropped and rolled out of the way of the wolf. Canines sharply snapped where his frail throat was, merely a moment earlier. Skidding to a stop, Blur raised his nozzle towards the moon and howled a challenge.

You could have done that sooner, Naruto grumbled and crouched low to the ground. His slit pupil eyes glared at the temperamental wolf, daring him to keeping going with this stupidity. A low snarl accepted the challenged.

Like a gunshot, Blur raced towards his new kami, growling threats insults. To his momentary surprise, the human didn't run at the feral strike. He actually leapt onto the wolf, claws fully extended and teeth bared in fury.

Blur's anger took hold again as he forced his teeth to rip into the human's wrist. He released his hold with a yelp of pain as Naruto's fangs were buried into the furry neck. Rearing up on his hind legs, Blur pushed the human with all his might.

Naruto fell as the weight of the wolf and natural gravity forced him to the ground. Even so, his fall helped him rip out a bloody chunk of Blur's flesh right out of the powerful neck, beneath the jawline. Blur whined in agony as blood began to soak out of the dangerous wound and mat his fur. The canine tried to step back, off Naruto, to check the wound. The only sounds of the fight were panting, blood dripping on the ground, and the angry growls/snarls from the two brawlers. Even Flicker had been stunned into silence as the animosity raged in the clearing.

Blur's reward for being distracted was an angry swipe across the black nose with the extremely lethal claws. He jumped back all the way off Naruto in order to lull the fight and attempted to wheeze air back into his extremely overworking lungs. Blood was still running from the nasty wound, but it slowed to a mere trickle. Naruto hooked his arm around his body across his waist to support his nearly mangled wrist that was already dark red with the blood. He faintly thought maybe the bones had cracked under the powerful jaw, but ignored it in favor for taunting.

Whassya matteh Blu'? he slurred in pain, Ya ain't go' wha' i' tak's?

Blur snarled in anger. He couldn't find anything to say to express the utter anger he held at the new kami, but even if he could announce the nasty words, his neck wouldn't allow him to speak anything.

Naruto's red eyes narrowed, Fi'ish 'OW!

The boy lunged at the wolf and his teeth sank deeply into Blur's furry pointed ear. He whined in pain but tried to knock the boy off with his paws, but the only support he could gain was with his claws that embedded into the leg and any movement just cut the leg and did not gain any leverage.

Naruto ignored the damages of the claws that caused blood to swell down his hind legs and pool in the grass. He chomped down harder on to the ear, and tried to rake the back of the wolf with scratches.

Blur crouched and wheezed again, trying hard to breathe as Naruto bit his ear. Blood ran into his nose and down to his lungs, making the movement of each breath to be very painful and feel very wet.

The wolf's anger was strong, but his body failed him. Blur's eyes dilated, then closed, as he slumped to the ground. In great effort, he whined in defeat and submission as his toll of wounds began to add up.

Naruto finally released the wolf's ear. He stared down at the loser, his red eyes widening at the bloody mass beneath him.

**_Finally, _**Kyuubi snarled, **_You took too long, mortal. _**

_Wh-what do I do now?_

_Kill him of course._

He...loss, Flicker tried to speak further, but words failed him. He ended up gripping his tail tightly. 

Gene closed his eyes in regret, Well, it's your right as Kami...He had the audacity to challenge your proper standing, so it is well to your right to kill him.

Never really liked him anyway, Fantail tried to bravo, but failed as tears made their way down his fur.

Naruto glanced at the small audience, then down at the pathetic body, No.

**_No?!?_**

I refu'e to ta'e hi' li'e. 'e fo'owe' hi' i's'icn's a' I di' wit' mi'e. (I refuse to take his life. He followed his instincts as I did with mine.) With gentle paws, Naruto lifted up Blur's head to expose his head, 'is no' so ba'.

Not so bad! Gene gaped at the strange new kami in front of him.

Naruto ripped off what was left of his much loved and orange coat with his claws. Bounding it tight against Blur's neck, he failed to notice a faint glow surrounding his hands. He then did the same to the wolf's back, the next bloodiest spot.

He hummed and sat back. The fight finally caught up with him and his eyes drooped.

**_You are such an idiot! What kind of mortal are you anyway, a baby?! _**Kyuubi yelled in his head, **_You are WEAK!_**

_Good work, child._

_It's better this way, _Naruto mumbled out loud as the animals curled up around him, accepting him and his strangeness. A slight smile tuck into the corners of his lips. Naruto could tell that he wasn't going to be alone anymore.

Please review to tell me how I'm doing! hint, hint!


	3. Part One schools, Gennin Exam

Muhahahahahahahaha! This is the next part, but it is part one for the next chapter, more as the lead up chapter.

Thanks to: **Yami-Ryo** (we all want to hug Naru-chan!) **Kyuubi madness **(sorry, but no Kyu/Naru, but I promise it will be good!) **Lady Blade **(I will try to keep the plot, but yes it will be something you have never seen before! hopefully...) **The Elven-Spear **( heh heh...) and** DarkRavie** (Yes, Read more!) A special thanks to **Lady Blade, The Elven-Spear, **and **keruki **for making me a fave!

And now, onward!

A boy that looked to be entirely human, except for his fox-like ears and with a tail attached to his butt, jumped out of the pile of sleeping animals that kept him warm during the night. _Kuso! Iruka-sensei said he would kill me if I ran late again! Particularly sense he nearly blew up yesterday!_ He tried to bound away towards the town that was visible in the distance.

**_Wait gaki-brat-you forgot your henge! _**Kyuubi howled in his mind. The demon had softened over the years to his host and roommate…but he'll prefer to die a thousand painful deaths then to admit THAT! 

Naruto paused sheepishly, _Whoops, I forgot. HENGE!_ The boy's hands worked into hand seals to focus his charka. With a POOF! the animalistic ears and the bushy tail disappeared and his eyes went from the demon red to sky-blue.

This time he didn't immediately take off, but turned to the pile of animals he had leaped out of moments ago. They had curled up closer together to accommodate the lost of the not-so-human boy's warmth. With a small grin, he called up a small bush and scattered the leaves to make a blanket.

_Very nice manipulation,_ Kami observed dryly, _But didn't you say you were going to be late?_

_KUSO!_

"NARUTO! YOU'RE LATE!" a very angry yell came from the (usually) kind sensei, brown eyes snapping, mouth turned down into an angry frown.

The boy yelped as chalk the teacher threw at him smacked him right in the center of his forehead (to make a hollow sounding thunk), "I know! I know! Gomen-nasi-sorry, Iruka-sensei! But lay off the chalk!"

"You said you'll get up earlier!" Iruka nearly cried. The chunnin relinquished the attack in order to rub the scar that was slashed horizantally across his nose and closed his eyes to try and force back the headache he always felt when Naruto was in the same room.

"I did!" exclaimed Naruto as he peeked underneath his up thrown arms to check for anymore attacks of the dreaded chalk, "But by the time I got up, it was too late to get up any earlier!"

"**Naruto!**"

The class tittered as the dead-last got the teacher riled up again. No one may like the boy personally and they made sure he knew that they didn't tolorate him, but the sensei always reacted hilariously.

_I never understand why you feel the need to give the teacher a heart attack,_ remarked Kami as he observed the brilliant puce color on Iruka-sensei's face and neck. _It was bad enough that you were painting on the Hokage's monument yesterday. He nearly spontaneously combusted._

Naruto grinned a bright ray of sunshine smile that took all the wind out of the kind teacher's sails, _The Hokages desperately needed a make-over. Besides, I like to keep 'em on their toes!_

**_In other words, _**said Kyuubi, **_He's too stupid to do anything on purpose._**

Naruto scowled inwardly at the demon but asked out loud, "Neh, Iruka-sensei? Can I sit down now?"

"No." Iruka-sensei stated with a wicked gleam in his brown eyes, "You are going to be our first victim-er-contestant for the gennin exams!"

…_HOW COULD I FREAKIN' FORGET! Sob, my punishment for art..._

"What do you mean Iruka-sensei? I thought we went in alphabetical order!"

"Well I guess we have to thank you for volunteering to go first!" Naruto barely held back a snarl of challenge to his favorite teacher, "Now HENGE!"

Naruto let out a startled yelped at the sudden yell and threw his hands together in a seal to focus his charka while yelling, "Henge!" White smoke billowed out to cover Naruto's transformation into a copy of his teacher. "Ne, Iruka-sensei..." a distinctly feminine voice came out of the opaque smoke, "How's this?" Iruka-sensei came out of the smoke with a set of extra appendages.

"You gave Iruka-sensei BOOBS!" for a moment everyone was silent as the thought processed…then hell broke loose.

As the chaos went on, Kami remarked, _You hold another henge at every moment. How do you fail something so...simple?_

**_Replay that sentence over in your head. _**Kyuubi snapped, **_It's hard for humans to hold a solid disguise, one is enough. Holding one at every moment of the day is frankly unheard of. His charka simply is not made for that sort of idea._**

_Why doesn't our boy drop it? _Kami hesitantly questioned. The god was always unsure of human's actions seeing he was the god of animals and he never had human contact until he met Naruto.

Kyuubi explained, not very patiently, **_Iruka has been known to attack while the henge is held, to make sure the children could hold it under pressure. If mortal had, for some reason, released it, the animalistic qualities would be exposed._**

Iruka-sensei was still trying to calm the freaked out class. He finally snapped, "**SIT DOWN!!!**"

The class went silent.

"What was that?" Iruka-sensei turned to Naruto.

Thinking fast, Naruto brightly lied with a huge grin, "Demo-but-Iruka-sensei! It's a prototype for Orike-no-Jutsu Sexy Technique! Yosh! It would even beat the Hokage, believe it!"

Iruka's hand went back to rubbing the scar across his nose as he tersely told the student, "Prototype or not, you have failed the henge portion of the gennin exam! Now try the bushin copies!"

Sighing, Naruto attempted to do the bushin. But the technique of coping the body had way too little charka needed for the container of a demon king and a kami to control. The three copies popped up for a mere moment before they spontaneously combusted in a show of fireworks.

"Naruto," quietly said Iruka-sensei, "You fail."

Naruto sighed to himself but smile, "Hai-yes-sensei."

**_Of course all the things you could be tested on, it had to be your worst two! What about genjustsu-illiusions?! Or tenjustsu-hand to hand combat?! It's a conspiracy, I swear! _**ranted the Demon Lord.

_Stop Kyuubi,_ Naruto told the demon softly as he went back to his seat, _You don't have to try to make me feel better._

Kyuubi sighed with relief, **_Good. All this parental crap was making me feel so wimpy...ITE!_**-ouch! He snarled at the Kami, **_What the heck was that for? I didn't even DO anything this time!_**

_Regardless and despite anything the overgrown rat says, _Kami told Naruto and bluntly ignored Kyuubi's rants about 'his toe was not a plaything!', _We do know you are much better than all the gakis -brats- here._

The boy smiled to himself as Kyuubi began to retaliate Kami's act. A full-blown battle began to develop in the boy's body.

Sure.

"Sugoi-wow!" he heard a girl mutter in front of him, "Sasuke-kun's sooo cool!"

"He got both of the techniques on the first time, it's no wonder he's the best in the class!" her friend squealed to herself as she clasped his hands in mock prayer, "And he's sooo cute! I want to kiss his scowl so badly!"

"Kiss him? I want to MARRY him!"

A random girl in the backrow stood and declared to the prepubescent teen, "I LOVE YOU SASUKE-KUN!"

Naruto bit his lip and felt pinpricks of tears sting at the corners of his eyes as the teme was awarded with a ninja gennin headband the boy himself wanted so badly, which Sasuke accepted with a simple but arrogant, "Hn."

"Sasuke-kun's so cool!"

Well, there's no need for me to be here is there?

Naruto waited for a moment with the next trainee covered the room white smoke and slipped out the second story window. His charka expanded like a spider's to stick to the side of the school as he scuttled down the side of the school. As soon as he reached the ground, the blond boy of sunshine took off for Ichiku's to answer his stomach's reminder he forgot breakfast, _Ramen, here I come!_

But if the student-ninja looked back up to the window for a moment when he hit the ground, Naruto would have seen an openly gaping face that barely exposed a newly-won headband around his neck.

_Yummy ramen, yummy ramen! All in my tummy ramen! _Naruto sang to himself as he ordered three large miso ramen bowls from the nice and pretty waitress, Ayame, but just to start off with of course.__

Looks like your going to have a visitor, child.

I know, but the smell is off around him.

"Uzumaki Naruto," a voice whispered. Naruto continued eating ramen as if he didn't notice him, "Naruto-san!"

Naruto faced the man, "Aa, Mitsuki-sensei! How can I be of service?"

Mitsuki blinked for a second before gathering his wits, "So, Naruto-san, I heard you failed the genin exams?"

Naruto's eyes narrowed for a moment but before the teacher could process it, he was grinning again, "Yep, but it's no matter, because I will become the Hokage! Believe it!" He thought to himself, _What the hell?_

_Baka gaki, he must have realized you weren't wearing a protector._

_I'm not quite sure, I have a bad feeling about this…_

"Do you want a short-cut on how to get there?" Mizuki-sensei slimy smirked as Naruto shivered under his pressing gaze, "It's very simple and just think of all the power at your disposal! You could take out the Hokage in just one blow!"

Naruto inwardly winced, though he tried to keep the facade of being overly excited towards the slimy teacher, _Okay, I do have a very, very bad feeling about this…This person's creepy!_

_I do too; he doesn't even smell like a fellow leaf nin. Child, be very, very careful, we really have no idea what we're dealing with._

Kyuubi snorted to himself at their 'foolishness', _**It's a MORTAL, how bad can it be?**_

_You spent thousands of years ruling the demon realms and lived inside me for all my life but you still don't know how bad mortals can be? And here I thought before that you were cuckoo-brain… _Naruto mildly insulted the Demon Lord, a power to rival gods (including kami), and King of the Western Lands! If he could get the seal off, Naruto would be in sooo much trouble!

_You thought so? What about me? I'm the one who has to room with him in YOU!_

_What is that supposed to mean?_

_It means that Mizuki-weirdo is looking at you funny. _

_Kuso..._"Mizuki-sensei? What do you mean shortcut? There are no short-cuts to gain power." 

Mizuki-sensei could barely contain his ill-begotten glee, "Of course there is. There are just those who are smart enough to influence the short-cut to help them along. In fact, there is a task perfect for you in order to gain power. It will promote you to genin, then you're half way to your goal, eh?"

"I am going to be the most powerful Hokage ever! Believe it!" Naruto boasted out-loud to his teacher while he worried on the inside to his tenats, _What the hell does this guy want from a student? _

_**Maybe he wants you to make his fantasies come true, kit! You do know you look completely edible in your foxy outwear, complete when Ashfur forced you to wear that skimpy fur loin-cloth thing. He probably is imagining taking you bent over the other teacher's desks, maybe he'll try to invite others in! **_

_Pervert!_

Ah, yes. Nearly forgot. See, when Kyuubi had been stuck inside the adolescent boy for twelve years, he developed a very perverse personality. Not pedophilic ideas, but he did become very perverted, especially when it came around dominant boys near his container, such as the Sasuke-bloke. So anyway, Kyuubi is just perverted. Fortunately, most of his perverseness is able to be posted. However, unfortunately…

Hmm…bet he would pant within a minute…and take off his shirt, but judging by anything, it wouldn't really amount to anything. Now Iruka, woo boy, he'll be more the type to writhe beneath an older man.

Naruto developed the same perverted-attitude. Of course his lewdness was hidden behind the innocent features he had henged himself and the fake dumbass act. Really, how can anyone be that dumb with spirits millenniums old encased within him?

"All you need to do is get the Forbidden Scroll for me. You can do that, right O Great and Powerful Future Hokage?"

_Not that I would want him to touch me in the first place. You could smell the sleaze from here_, "Of course I could, I could fight off any damn guards of the scroll! Yosh! I shall go and fight right now!" 

Naruto raced off immediately, not at all mindful to the teacher yelling, "Hey, wait Naruto-san! You don't know where it is!"

_Should I really do this? After all, this would be the stupidest thing I've ever done, painting the Hokage monument included. _Naruto thought towards his prisoners. He skidded to a stop in front of the largest building in the town, the Hokage office. 

A simulation of a frown came to the boy's mind from the Kami, _Well, this could get you kicked out from the village, putting the villagers attitudes at the forefront of my mind...but anything less wouldn't sound like your mask._

Kyuubi shrugged, **_Mah, maybe you'll learn something. Why else would the weird ass teacher, who doesn't have any ass at all, want to steal something as heavily guarded as this? Doesn't really make much sense…_**

_I'll do it! _Naruto burst out, scaring the crap out of the God and the Demon, _And I know the perfect way to defeat the extreme measures taken to protect the scroll! Fufufufufufufufu!_

_You know that creeps me out when you do that?_

_That's why I do it!_

PART ONE OF THIS CHAPTER IS COMPLETE, STAY TUNE FOR THE NEXT ONE!

Fufufufufufufufu, didja see that one coming? Don't worry, Naruto will still be an adorable uke...on the outside, but he will have some nasty thoughts...

Review, pretty please?


	4. Part two forest, Gennin exam

BOO-YAH! THE NET WORKS! THANK YOU LINK! (not telling you who that is!)

Yeah! Updation! And a new word!

I like to thank those who reviewed: **Dark Ravie, Massacre Maker, Kyuubi Maddness, Keruki, Yami Ryo, The Elven Spear, **and **HolyMageMouto!**

A special thanks to **Lady Blade, Yami Ryo, Keruki, **and **The Elven Spear** for putting me on Faves! _Bows,_ Please be kind and continue reviewing! mwah! Love you all!

I do not own Naruto...sob...starts to silently cry...

START CHAPTER

"Ah, Naruto-kun. Why have you come to visit me?" the strongest man in the village, the Hokage, looked inquisitive but smiled at the young boy in front of him. Naruto was secretly the elderly man's favorite person out of the entire town he basically ruled over. Secretly was because of the idiotic citizens, they would form a lynch mob for him and the child if any word got out that the leader favored the Demon Brat.

Naruto inwardly winced at the kind tone. He did not like to deceive the closest person he ever had for a family, "Ano -um- ojii-san -old-man?"

"Aa, always so informal Naruto-kun!" Sandamine joked, hiding his worry about the small ninja in front of him for usually the boy never stumbled over his words, "But why are you here? Usually you would be scarfing down bowl after bowl of ramen at Ichiraku. Don't tell me you have finally ate out all of their stock?"

"NO!" the boy shouted out in honest shock and horror before he reminded himself what had to be done, "Ojii-san, I'm really sorry but, ORIKE-NO-JUTSU!"

A POOF of smoke appeared out of nowhere again. This time, instead of a feminized Iruka-sensei, a nude blond young woman emerged from the smoke. She pouted cutely at the old man while bending over to give a "interesting" view on her breasts and drew out seductively, "Hoookaaage-sama…mmmm."

The perverted elder took one look at his secret fantasy and his nose erupted into a fountain of blood. He tried to cover it up with both of his hands, to make it stop bleeding, to do _anything_; the blood loss was too much. The hokage fell into a dead faint onto the ground, twitching every now and then.

Just to make sure the strong man was out of commission, Naruto poked him with a stick he drew out of thin air.

The god trapped within Naruto twitched in the back of his mind, _I should have know they'll do something perverted, and it's all because of the damned perverted fox...don't kill them, don't kill them, don't kill them, don't-_

Kami's fellow captive merely smirked at their jailer, **_Nice job Naruto-kun, you only messed up on the boob size. Personally I don't like doing elders, lack of stanima and all that, but let's imagine all the tricks he could have picked up in his zenith era!_**

_GAH!!! DON'T KILL THEM AND DON'T LISTEN TO THEM!_

Naruto ignored them both as he dug through the wooden cabinets. He tossed out scroll after scroll, creating a huge mess that would be hell to clean up afterwards. Also, he "by complete accident" knocked down a couple of drawers, and papers flew everywhere. The boy conveniently tore through all the paperwork. It was just to save the grandfather he had betrayed a little of the "work from hell." (To quote the Hokage.)

"Where is it? He just showed it to me just a few days ago!" Naruto mumbled out loud to himself before he paused and slapped his forehead, "Jeez, I'm stupid! KAI!-release!"

A sharp fluctuation of charka swelled in the boy and then was released into the room, ripping apart the genjutsu settled over the room. Lying innocently in the middle of the room was the scroll, marked by the kanji, "forbidden." Naruto muttered sullenly at the scroll and himself, before giving the scroll one satisfying kick. He then unceremoniously strapped it on his back.

Kami was still whimpering/whining to himself about 'he wasn't supposed to kill his host or fellow roommate even though the world would probably thank the heavens and make him king if the two were unable to scream the dead awake anymore.' Kyuubi was egging the God on by making very perverted remarks about Naruto and almost all the men in the village every time Kami took a breath and caused him to resume his rant with even more vigor.

Naruto pause to grip his head, trying to prevent the headache brewing, _Will you both please shut up before I get a migraine! I've got to keep my wits about me with the unknown factor in Mizuki-creepo. _The boy didn't wait for any retorts but pumped charka into his legs to run at inhuman speed to the outskirts of the Forest of the Death, though the village thought it was a different forest all together.

Kami resorted to mumbling under his breath, the main word to overhear that one would understand was "pervert," but Kyuubi scowled at his container and frankly the closest friend he had ever had, **_How dare you! I am Kyuubi, the Nine-Tailed fox, the most powerful of all youkai- demons! Many have died beneath my paw for lesser offences then I have endured at your hand! Why shouldn't I kill you once I have the chance?!_**

_Because you actually do love me and literally can't live without me, _Naruto remarked rather blandly, _Besides, at least I said please._

Kyuubi merely snarled in answer at the boy before curling up in the back of the boy's mind for a long nap, clearly dismissing the argument. Kami also flopped down next to the demon, his head on the other prisoner's curved back. Naruto ignored them both in order to focus on the scroll. Unrolling the scroll with a flourish, he frowned as he focused on the kanji explaining the first forbidden jutsu.

Naruto read quietly to himself, taking great precaution NOT to wake the supreme beings slumbering inside him…which sounded completely wrong by the way…_This jutsu is strictly forbidden in the use of shinobi training as it's chaka is…blah blah blah…solid clone…it can do it's own jutsus…usually shinobi only have enough charka to create one therefore it's completely…gathers information…bunch of useless jargon…hmmmmmm. _Naruto stuck up his fist into the air, "Yosh! I can do this! Doesn't look too hard!"

You know you look completely insane when you do that, an amused voice came from behind the boy. Naruto, already having recognized the scent scoffed at the voice and turned back around to the scroll, Hey! Don't ignore me!

Shut up Blur, the wolf's god grumbled at him, trying to focus on the forbidden scroll. The aged wolf trotted up next to the boy, sitting back on his hunches. A tongue lolled out of his mouth as he look over Naruto's shoulder. Blur! Stop it! You know I can't concentrate when you do that!

Blur winced back at Naruto's harsh tone, Gomen-nasi, sorry, Naruto-sama, master, he mumbled with his ears laid back to his skull, revealing the tattered ear Naruto destroyed when he was young.

Naruto winced at the reminder he had nearly killed his friend and shook his head, I'm really sorry, Blur. I didn't mean to snap...And stop calling me Sama! It makes me feel old!

A mischievous look entered Blur's dark brown eyes, Gomen, sorry, Naruto-tono, lord. He released a wolfish cackle at Naruto's actual shudder at the title, However, on a serious note, Flicker wants, as I quote, "Really really want to know when kami-dude's coming back because it's soooo boring without him and I need to show him my magic trick, you know with my tail and the acorn and I hide it-"

Stop, Naruto commanded (but actually pleaded), You imitate him too well. You're giving me a headache. The young shinobi looked down at the troublesome scroll and sighed, I really need to finish this, for the humans. Can you please distract him until I complete the task?

The wolf laid down, his head on his paws, and look up to the human with a big wolfish grin, I was sent out to look for you. Ashfur and Gene are already distracting him. Big, tall, and stupid is lumbering around somewhere.

Don't call him that, Naruto reprimanded absentmindedly as he started to read the hand seals on the jutsu.

The young master had collected more faithful friends, plant and animal varity, in his years as Kami, but the ones who met him first remained the closest however old they were becoming. Flicker still chattered a mile a minute lovable but still annoying, Gene remained a arrogant intelligence, Ashfur is still the calm peacemaker, Bart was the under-the-radar smart, and Blur was a little more withdrawn but is arrogant and also reminded Naruto of someone he couldn't name. Despite their faults, they were still the best friends the boy could ever wish for.

_Okay, first attempt. _Naruto attempted the hand seals for the jutsu, shouting out, "Kage Bushin no Jutsu!" A **POW**, and then came another spectacular display of fireworks. After blinking the smoke away from his eyes, Naruto glanced over at Blur. 

The wolf's paws were firmly planted over his ears, What I don't understand, he complained, Is why you humans need to scream while you are doing the Jutsu. It just gives away what you're planning, right?

Well, it's kind of like a recoil, Naruto explained slowly, as if going over the dilemma in his own mind, Such as you do when you stop suddenly, you let out a grunt and that's caused by muscles suddenly contracting. As the air is released, the muscles tense again, ready to move. But with charka, focusing on the name allows the focus of the charka to be solely on the jutsu and not all over the place. Control isn't perfect when you just shout the name so you have to have exercises to control them but shouting the name keeps it from going all over the place and allows recoil.

Blur flicked his tail in thought, However, your clones exploded because you use too much charka, right? So why do you need that large of a recoil since you are supposed to not use as much charka as before?

…You're right, the boy said slowly as he mulled through the thought in his head, So, in theory, I shouldn't have as big of recoil if I put less charka in the jutsu in the first place! So I need to figure out how not to have so much charka used…

Naruto frowned to himself and bit his lip, trying to figure out how to use less charka in his Jutsu, _Okay, second try…_The boy did the hand seals for the Jutsu while trying to just slow his charka into a trickle. As soon as it was finished, he let out a grunt after whispering the jutsu name before he realized that was his recoil…Needless to say the Copies failed just as spectacularly as the first attempt did. Naruto tried his best not to scream in frustration, with his only comfort that most ninja's didn't get hard jutsus their first one-hundred tries…but Naruto was never really that patient.

Blur's paws were back over his ears and accompanied with a whine, Why do your human tricks always go 'boom?'

They 'pop' thank you very much, Naruto informed the wolf tartly while glancing down at the scroll again.

No, really, the wolf sat up again, satisfied no 'boom' was near, You usually scream something, it then goes boom, and then you scream louder at something the rest of us are unable to see.

The young Kami huffed at him, whiskered cheeks ballooning out chipmunk-style while he tried to hold his breath in order not to scream at his friend. The friend who will be a pelt on his wall if he stops smirking at him, dammit!

Evidently, Blur felt the hostility directed at him and backed away.

Naruto stopped glaring at him in order to repeat his mantra, the one he had invented when he met Flicker,_ I am not supposed to kill friends, no matter how annoying they may be._

The boy released the breath he was holding, Gomen-nasi Blur. I am calm again. I am really really sorry.

The wolf grinned wolfishly, dismissing the lapse in control, Whatever whelp, I could take you on, anytime anywhere.

Bring it on old uhm…wolf! Naruto bantered back with a small smile on his face.

With a tiny sigh, the smile slid off his face in favor for a frustrated glare at the stupid scroll. It was mocking him!

His hands raised in the seals, he snarled out not the traditional, "Kage Bushin no Jutsu!" but a, "Damn it! Kage Bushin no Jutsu!" instead. Holding his fingers in a cross, he focus a very minuscule amount of charka and released it through the seal. With a puff of theatrical smoke all ninjas feel the need to have, another Naruto appeared! Both the boy and the wolf started in surprise and amazement of the doppelganger. Blur decided the best way to go about the magic trick was to whine, Great. There's two of them. I could barely survive with one!

Naruto ignored him in favor of cheering, Hell yeah! I knew I could do it! Go me! Go me! Believe it!

**_What the hell?_** a dazed voice in the back of his mind asked, awoken by his jail's yelling, _**When did the storm come in?**_

_I knew I could do it! I totally perfected doing the Jutsu in three tries when most couldn't do it! I can do what no one else can! Fufufufufufufufufufufufufufu!_

_Stop it with the creepy laugh! _Kami ordered, waking up himself, _It is really freaky! And doing it once is not perfecting it, kit._

_Whatever,_ the boy dismissed both of the assessments he earned, _But I still did it!_

_**Mortal, stop your thoughts so I can go back to sleep,**_ Kyuubi ordered, muffled because he fell back on to the Kami, face down in his stomach.

Amazed, Naruto watched the Kami blush at the Demon, _This ain't happening. No way! My parental figures do not hook up in front of me in my perfect world!_

Kami turned even redder, as he pushed back his dark bangs, subtly checking to make sure Kyuubi was well off to dreamland, _We are not "Hook up!" Kyuubi just deemed me a decent pillow, _he mumbled.

Naruto shook his head, _You are totally crushing on him!_ The boy's eyes went wide, _You think he doesn't care about you? Don't worry, sooner or later he'll show his possessive side towards you sooner or later!_

The boy tuned out Kami's slightly hopeful protests as he turned to the scroll again. _Hmmm…It is rare that an average ninja can create one, whoo! I'm above average!, but it is even more unlikely on a shinobi able to create two, let alone more. However, if there is a chance the seals would have to include the extra seal of Ryo-dragon. Yosh! Let's do this thing!_

Kami decided that he should forgo his protests to his heir's uninterested ears in favor of combing through the sleeping demon's red silky hair with his clawed figures, _You will probably need the same amount of energy_ (Kami refused to call energy charka early on)_ it takes to help a flower grow._

Naruto rolled his eyes at both Kami and Blur, who decided it was necessary to mark his territory, Fine, fine. He raised his hands through the seals and exhaled slowly. With a more subtle puff, clones covered the clearing._Kuso, I'm not supposed to be able to create this many!_

_My guess is: you're way beyond average._

My brain is unable to take more of you. I think I'll die if this happens again, Blur commented blandly as he took in all the clones milling about.

Naruto muttered, Fine, I can take a hint, before yelling, "Kai-release!" With another theatrical poof of smoke, all the clones disappeared. Naruto sat down with a small sigh, Are you happy now?

Very, Blur gave a smirk to Naruto before ambling off in to the clear to settle down for an afternoon nap with the instructions, Don't do anything too nosy for an half an hour.

Yes Mom, Naruto mumbled. Blur heard him anyway and gave a good-natured growl before curling up. Naruto glared at the dozing wolf before turning back to the scroll with a sigh. He skimmed it again, just to see if their was any loopholes or catches that he was unaware of in the first read through.

Not finding any, the powerful ninja set to master the ninja jutsu. He practiced, sometimes creating one, sometimes more and twice set two to fight each other rather than him. Naruto sat to catch his breath, then sharply snapped his head up. The boy grabbed the scroll and set it on his back, his feet automatically spread out for better balance, to be ready to fight.

He's here.

"Aa, Naruto-kun. Did you complete the mission I asked of you?" sweetly asked Mizuki.

_Kyuubi, wake up!_ Kami urgently shook the demon, _Don't you want to see our kit kick mortal butt?_

Kyuubi grumbled at him,_** Kit can kick mortal butt anytime anywhere, I can miss this. So stop moving, dammit!**_

Naruto ignored them both and raised to his feet, grinning widely at his teacher. Discreetly, he motioned a crouching Blur to stand down, "Hai, Mizuki-creep…I mean sensei! I beat the Hokage for it! Believe it!"

"Shhh," Mizuki-weirdo warned, "Part of the mission is for no one to hear you!"

Naruto nodded enthusiastically and made a shushing motion, holding up a finger to his smiling mouth. His other hand went up to the scroll, as if he was going to grab it and give it to the sleazy weirdo…

"No Naruto! Don't do it! Don't give it to him!" Iruka charged out of the trees, slightly panting, "Mizuki is a traitor to Konoha! Don't give the scroll to him!"

_Yes! I knew Mizuki was a creepo!_ Naruto cheered to himself while keeping his outward façade looking shocked. _Wait, that's a bad thing…_

_**Gah, will you please shut up?! I'm trying to sleep here!**_

_Well, sorrrry! I apologize greatly to the great Kyuubi-sama for interrupting his all-important nap while I'm BEING ATTACKED OUT HERE!_

Kyuubi jerked up and started to indignantly mouth off at the boy. However, Naruto was distracted by Mizuki lunging at him. Jumping up and rolling out of the way, he barely missed the lethal kunai-daggers-that the ex-teacher stabbed at him.

"Naruto," Iruka bellowed, "Didn't you hear me?! RUN!"

Naruto muttered to himself as he jumped on a branch, "I really need to learn how to ignore the little voices in my head when someone attacks…"

__

I don't annoy you that much! It's mostly the demon's fault!

You will sorely regret that comment!

As the two commenced bickering, Naruto returned his attention to the ninja's fight.

Iruka was throwing shrunken-ninja stars-with deadly accuracy. With the boy's sharp sight, Naruto could see the weapons were glistening powerfully in the afternoon sunlight with the strong metal and fatal poison they were doused in. Mizuki had to do series of jumps and twists in midair in order not to get hit, but in doing so he was unable to fight back. However this trick wouldn't last long under the brutality of the shinobi's attacks. As realization dawned upon the traitor and he back flipped into the foliage in the direction he thought Naruto ran.

Iruka let out an undignified curse, not entirely fit for the teacher and followed him. Naruto echoed the curse under his breath and tried to follow them, leaping from branch to branch it squirrel fashion that Flicker had taught him years ago. He jumped upon a particularly slick branch and nearly slipped off. The branch whipped up and grabbed him around the waist before replacing him back on the safety of the forest ground. He took a moment to nod his head at the regal tree, "Arigato-thank you," then raced off in the direction the humans went.

When he arrived to the clearing, he saw Iruka fretting then going over to a tree, "Naruto-kun, I need to give me the scroll! I can defend it!"

Naruto, from behind the bushes, blinked in surprise as his own voice cried out, "Like HELL I would, Mizuki!"

Iruka poofed away to reveal the slightly shocked traitor, "How did you know I wasn't Iruka?"

"Because," the other Naruto smirked, "I'm not Naruto." Yet another theatrical poof a smoke (are you sensing a rut?) Iruka sat in front of the traitor.

Mizuki frowned at the chunnin before announcing to the general forest area with an evil snicker (though Kyuubi could do that even more evilly), "Do you know the reason everybody loathes you in Konoha, Naruto-kun?"

Iruka jumped and snarled, "Don't you dare tell him!"

"Now, now-" smirked Mizuki, "I do think you need to sit DOWN!" At that yell, he made hand seals, shouting out a sound vaguely familiar to stick or sit, but in a very different and hard to understand dialect. Iruka was forced to sit down, trapped as if he was glued to the ground.

Mizuki panted heavily with his arms still in the last seal of the jutsu, as if he had just ran several hundred laps around Konoha without stopping. Obviously the Jutsu took a lot out of him, leaving miniscule amount of charka left. He managed to say, "Everyone in Konoha hates you! They want you dead! They want you to be tortured severely, to the death! To be humiliated in front of them all!"

Although Iruka was glued down, his mouth was still flapping, "No! They don't hate you! Not everybody!"

"And do you want to know why?" smirked Mizuki.

"Don't you DARE tell him you--" (The rest of the sentence has been edited out because of the extreme use of unreasonable language)

Mizuki looked affronted for a moment at the course language but got back on track, "Naruto, you are monster! A demon! You killed so many people, it's a wonder that Kami hasn't struck you down already! Evil! Demon!"

Naruto couldn't resist rolling his eyes, even though the sharp words did hurt him. He knew a long time ago Kyuubi was in him (re: first chapter). What did they take him for- a dead last? Oh, wait, he was…but it wasn't really his fault! He had to pretend or else the citizens would actually accuse him of being Kyuubi! So what if he had ears, a tail, and red eyes? That was Kami's fault! He wasn't a furball!

**_I heard that!_**

A furball that had very good hearing evidently…Anyway, Iruka was flaming mad. Mad as in: angry enough to withdraw any moral guidelines and concerns because he was too damned mad! Struggling against invisible bonds, the teacher let loose another barage of dirty languge Naruto had honestly no idea that the seemingly prudish ninja knew. He ended the tirade with, "And you are totally wrong you twisted (edited out)! Naruto is no demon! He is a shinobi of Konoha and will protect it until the end! He is a better human than YOU'LL ever be you -- (edited out yet again) freak!"

"He _is_ a monster," an evil smirk grew on the traitor's face, "After all, he is the cause your death!" A big-ass shrunken was pulled out of a hidden pocket. It was a monster, maybe six hand across while normal sized ones fit into your palm.

Naruto decided this would be a good time to intervene. He leaped out of the tree he was perched on before landing right beside his favorite teacher, "Gomen Iruka-sensei, but I can't let you see what's about to happen." With the side of his hand, the not-human chopped the back of Iruka's neck. The teacher's eyes rolled up to the back of his head and collapsed.

Mizuki looked shocked, speechless for a moment, "Why the hell did you do that demon!"

"I do want to keep some surprises up my sleeve," a grinning Naruto said, "I didn't want to worry about him. But I don't have to worry about you because the time I'm done with you, you won't be able to tell anyone what happened!" Lifting his head up to the sky, he howled, Blur!

I am here Kami-sama, growled the wolf as he leaped out of the bushes. At the sight of the beast, Mizuki let out a strangled sound that sounded extremely close to "Mommy" but Naruto wasn't too sure.

The young man looked down regally upon the scared traitor, "Iruka-sensei was correct. I'll protect Konoha and the forest untill my death!"

With an animalistic scream, Naruto invoked one of the more powerful talent that the Kami posessed. His spirit rose from his human body and shoved in to the wolf's. As the body collapsed, the wolf stumbled then raised his now red eyes upon the prey.

"Holy shit!" scremed Mizuki his legs propelling himself backwards as he tried to run the hell away.

Naruto's new muscles contracted to push himself in a powerful leap, bounding his way towards the terrified man. Before the traitor could go to far, the god was upon him all fur and teeth.

Canines dug into Mizuki's shoulder. As strangled scream wrenched out of the man's constricted throat as Naruto's jaws clamped down to crush the collar bone and rip out a chunk of flesh and muscle. Unfortunately, he missed any organs and only hit arteries that would give Mizuki enough time to get away.

Eyes dialated in pain and adrenaline pumping through his blood, Mizuki was barely able to shove off the vengeful wolf. The traitor fled through the undergrowth, his painful scream dying in the clearing.

His teeth stained with blood, Naruto smiled evilly. The hunt had begun.

Mizuki's breaths became ragged pants. He knew he was losing way too much blood and if he didn't get medical attention soon, it was very possible he could die. With the thought echoing in his head, Mizuki tried to move faster but the adrenaline was wearing off to leave him exhasted.

A demonic growl sounded in front of Mizuki. With his panic-stricken mind, the traitor imagined the eye, the red monster's eyes, to be moving closer to him. He raced in a different direction.

Naruto followed leisurely behind, making sure to keep the fool within his sight. Projecting his thoughts to the animals, the kami asked politely for the young cub of a fox to growl at the ape-like creature, except it was so much more stupid. Delighted to serve his god in anyway possible, the cub let out a weird sound that was closer to a squeak than a growl. But it did serve its' purpose and Mizuki freaked out.

Mizuki's eyesight started to swim before his eyes. He could feel his feet slowing to a stumble underneath him even as he urged them to go on. He tried to scream again as the wolf appeared again.

The boy with in the wolf snorted, _Pathetic._ With one final touch of pain and humiliation, Naruto ripped off the man's pride and joy and ability for children.

_Though I do have to admit, that was one impressive scream._

**_I could hear it from inside your body!_**

In minutes, Naruto's body walked on the scene. With one eye a cool red and the other eye a rare shade of green, both Kami and Kyuubi viewed the destruction, _Well, that was boring...but you better hurry back, Iruka's stirring._

Naruto shot up, _Why didn't you say so sooner!_ He ripped himself out of his body and stuck himself in his own. Not really waiting for his senses to adjust being human again, he flashed his hands in seals with a whisper of, "Kage Bushin no Jutsu."

As the copies appeared in the forest, he directed, "You dozen, stay here with Blur and make sure he recovers! You in that group! Go to the animals! Make sure they weren't hurt! Half of you, go to town! Find anymore traitors! The rest, take the _ningen-_ human -to Iruka with me! Move out!"

The group leaped across the clearing while the trees bent out the way for a clear path. The clones actually holding the unconsicous man kept "accidently" dropping him. Naruto made no move to stop him but instead smiled happily.

As they entered the clearing, Iruka's eye lids began to flutter. Then Naruto realized the deep shit he was in, _Mizuki's still covered in blood! Oh kami what is Iruka going to say?!_

_Well..._

_It was retorical._

Naruto began the handseals to an impressive genjutsu-illusion. As soon as Iruka woke up, Mizuki was covered in bruises, not blood (and with his manhood in tact). Iruka, groggly from the unconsiousness, thought he was still dreaming or at least way out of it. It's not possible for the deadlast of the academy to create enough clones to cover the clearing, right?

But as Naruto yelled, "Kai!" and all the clones dispersed, Iruka had to face the facts, he wasn't dreaming and the dead-last, the demon, had saved him.

At that thought, the teacher made up his mind, "Naruto, come here."

Frowning the boy moved closer, kneeling close.

"Close your eyes."

Slightly startled, Naruto shut his eyes. He heard the slight rustle of cloth then something settling over his forehead, "Okay, you can open them now."

The first thing Naruto saw was the smiling face of Iruka. Then he took off the forehead protecter.

For a moment, Iruka could see a soft smile settle upon his student with his sky blue eyes reflecting the green of grass and the red of fire.

"I DID IT!" _TAKE THAT SASUKE!_

END CHAPTER

In the words of Naruto, "I DID IT!" yes!

review please! tell me what you think!


	5. Konohamaru! Whee

I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack! Are you all shaking in fear yet?

Ha, but I would serious like to thank **The Elven-Spear, keruki, Arbitrary Doom, Yami Ryo, **and **DarkRavie** for reviewing! I love you!

START

A notorious grin was beaming up at the Hokage as the blond boy handed over his ninja qualification card. Completely unrepentant about the last chapter (knocking out the strongest man in the village with a single PERVERTED jutsu) he yawned then slumped in the chair, the smile still lingering on his face.

Saratoubi stared in slight shock at the photo on the card before dismissingly tossing it over his shoulder and gave the teenager a terse order, "Redo it."

"Whaaaaaaat?! Why?!" a 'shocked' Naruto exclaimed loudly, "Do you even know how F--KING long it took me to get that picture done!"

In the back of his mind, Kyuubi chuckled, _**Yep, all of a half a minute to put a genjutsu on it!**_

Bluntly ignoring the demon, Naruto continued on his rant, "First I had to FIND the F--KING henna then paint it on, wait for it to dry and then I had to WASTE TEN WHOLE F--CKING MINUTES because the STUPID photographer decided it wasn't how I was supposed to look!"

_Nya,_ Kami yawned, waking up from his naps (GODS DESEVERE NAPS TOO!), _You are too loud._

Before Naruto could either retort or add to the rant, the door to the room bursts open. In runs in a young boy, about seven, yelling something like, "Today is going to be the day I defeat you and take the title of Hokage Gra-!" His small speech that promised to be a lot longer was interrupted when he tripped and fell flat on his face.

"Honorable Grandson!" a man dressed in black and wearing dark sunglasses yelled. A slight flush in his cheeks was the only indicator he was forced to chase the boy, "Are you alright?!"

"YOU!" the grandson jumped up and yelled at Naruto, "You were the one that tripped me!"

_Excuse me?!_

Kyuubi groaned, **_Oh kuso, there's another one…_**

However Kami had a different point of view, _Pfft…HAHAHAHAHA! HE'S EXACTLY LIKE YOUR MASK! THAT'S SOOO CUTE!_

In actual reality, Naruto leaped out of the chair and brandished his finger in an indignant fashion, "Don't you even DARE to bring me into this! You tripped over your own feet you DAMNED KLUTZ!"

The Hokage sighed and tried to discreetly shield the scene: 'the wanna-be Man-in-Black yelling at Naruto about "properly respecting the honorable grandson," with Naruto yelling "few" choice NC-17 curses, and the grandson trying to get a word in' with a hand to his forehead.

Naruto finally yelled, "I don't give a flying f--k who either of you are dammit! Now leave me alone!" He all but ran from the room, trying hard to hide his laughter.

_**I can't believe you, mortal,**_ moaned Kyuubi, _**First the bear, then the cat, now the kid! Are you going to run from EVERYTHING?**_

_Hey! Bart was throwing rocks at my HEAD, Ashfur was trying to get me to grow catnip, and that kid would…well I have no idea what he would do but what I do know is that it would've been very BAD!_

Kami made an unholy smirk, _Which is why you let him follow you of course._

_…I knew he was?_

_**Nice try kit.**_

Instead of attempting to brave a losing battle, Naruto whirled around and yelled, "Who do you think your kidding, kid?! That disguise is shit lousy!"

The child lowered the blanket that was vaguely the same color of the fence they were in front of, "I KNEW you would be able to see through it! I was just testing you Boss!"

"Yeah ri-- boss?"

"Yeah!" the boy grinned, knowing the older boy swallowed the bait, "You are going to teach me how to defeat Grandpa!"

Naruto nearly let out a growl at the sassy command but barely caught himself. He didn't want to scare the kid...well not too much anyway, "Look, kid! I don't even know who you are!"

The brunette kid scowled, obviously not used to be unrecognized by the civilians, "I'm Saratoubi Konohamaru! And I'm going to be the next Hokage!"

Before he could collect himself, Naruto felt his eyebrows lift up to hide behind his bangs in shock then yelled, "I'm going to be the next Hokage dammit! Hold on, you're named after the village? Jeez, no wonder you're f--cked up...I would be to if my name if I was named after this shit-hold."

Konohamaru gave Naruto a very snobbish look, "Just to let you know, Konohamaru is a very highly recognized name! And you couldn't be Hokage! You failed the exams three times! And you only have one jutsu to your name that you used to defeat the hokage! I want you to teach me that!"

_Does he know about the Kage Bushin? No, I didn't use that on the Hokage, I used…Oh jeez, does he really think I'll teach him that?_

_No, no, no! Absolutely not! You will not teach that perverted Jutsu to a KID!_

Naruto ignored the freaked out God in order to ask, "Why don't you ask that Black-Spy wannabe to teach you something?"

"I tried!" the boy whined, "But then he went all like, 'Honorable Grandson, I am to teach you, not try to get you to killed! And BS like that!"

"…How the hell can you defend yourself if you don't know any jutsus?" demanded Naruto.

_**Judging by the persona I've seen of his so far-- he'll kick 'em in the balls then run.**_

Naruto cut into the tirade the younger boy had launched in order to convince his new-found hero to teach him, "Fine, I will. But only the one jutsu!"

Konohamaru grinned brightly, "Teach me boss!"

For most of the afternoon, every citizen of Konoha avoided the general area of the training ground Naruto had claimed for him and his student, in fear of the screams that consisted of: "TALLER!" and "SKINNIER!" and "DAMMIT BOY, DO YOU ACTUALLY LIKE YOUR CHICKS FAT?!"

Finally, as the sun had almost began it's descent, Konohamaru collapsed in exhaustion when Naruto told him 'innocently', "I think you've got it!"

_That poor kid is nearly dying!_ Kami wailed, _Couldn't you have been nicer to him?_

Kyuubi growled, _**Newsflash softy! Naruto was nice! If he wasn't, he'll get the gaki- brat- killed!**_

_Oh…_ Kami winced, _I keep forgetting humans kill for fun…er-life._

_Yes, yes. We know you think animals are so much more better than humans,_ thought Naruto while in reality he asked Konohamaru, "Why on earth do people coddle you? You're just a kid!"

"I am NOT just a kid!" the boy yelled, "I am the Grandson of the Hokage!"

Naruto had to grin at Konohamaru's pompous attitude. Did the kid actually believe he'll drop all the rustic rudeness and grovel at his feet? He never did that to Jii-san, and certainly won't do that to this kid, "Whatever, you're still a gaki to me!"

When Konohamaru paused in shock, Naruto went on, "Well, you do have a reputation to conquer. So you plan on becoming Hokage? Too bad. You won't get the same respect you want, and anyway: I'm gonna be the Hokage!"

_I thought I got rid of that notion long ago!_ Kami deadpanned.

The young boy looked up to the boy in shock, but before he could react, the egotistical man that accompanied him earlier burst from the bushes, "Honorable Grandson! Are you alright? How dare you kidnap the grandson of the Hokage!"

Naruto sputter, "No! No, I didn't- I couldn't…"

_**If the kit wanted to kidnap, you wouldn't have found him you sleazebag,**_ Kyuubi mumbled with a sneer.

Naruto barely kept from rolling his eyes, _You still can't be heard outside you idiot._

Kyuubi grinned pretty evily, **_I could be, it's just that everyone will try to behead you if I did so and I don't want to die just yet._**

_Oh I can feel the love,_ muttered Naruto

Kami decided it would be fun to needle his crush, _You too? And here I thought I was the only one._

"-and so you are in a lot of trouble you monster! I, Ebisu!, will see to that!" the weirdo finished his rant.

Naruto almost didn't notice the end of his rant, "Gomen, I wasn't listening. Will you repeat that, slimeball? You're just too longwinded with hot air for me to pay attention." grinned Naruto.

Konohamaru's and Ebisu's jaws dropped, obviously unused to having the pompous ass be so rudely ignored. The snobbish boy found his wits first in form of a laugh, "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA- OH- MY- GOD! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Ebisu, however, was not as easily amused, "As the tutor of the Honorable Grandson, I am one of the more powerful ninja's in this village! You are a mere- are you listening to me?"

"HAHAHAHAHAHA…HAHAHAHAHA…!"

Naruto glanced up to him, distracted from his conversation that began yet again with the demon and god within him about how Kyuubi doesn't love them, "Huh?"

"HAHAHA…HA…HA…!"

"THAT DOES IT! I am taking you back to the Hokage where you will be punished!" at that statement, Naruto glared and angrily swiped off the spittle the yelling had splattered across his face.

"Wait a minute!" _roared_ Konohamaru already up from his hysterical fit, "You will NOT march him in, he did nothing wrong!"

"You'll respect your elders boy!" barked Ebisu, not knowing it would rub wrong on the spoiled brat.

"Respect? _Respect?!_ I'll show you respect you-you-dirt bag!" Konohamaru yelled, "Orike-no-Jutsu!"

With a theatrical poof of smoke (it's back!) Konohamaru finally got down the jutsu becoming a naked brunette with huge unmentionables and wisps of smoke barely covering them.

Since the amount of space between the two were minimal at best, Naruto was the only one who saw the tiny amount of blood leaking out of his nose, "Wh-why Honorable Grandson! That-that Jutsu is far beneath you station! Stop the foolish unright gesture at once! No one would fall for that!"

Naruto wondered, _Is "unright" even a word?_

Kyuubi's thoughts, however, where more along the line of, _**Damned hypocrite!**_

And, of course, there's Kami's, _Why the hell is everyone a pervert?!,_ wail.

"PERVERT! And a freakin' hypocrite!" voiced Naruto, echoing Kyuubi's anger, "How dare you pretend you are not affected?" With a barely concealed snarl, Naruto made the seals and whispered, "Kage-Bushin-no-Jutsu."

Clones appeared all over the training area, all with a slightly evil smirk plastered on his face. Konohamaru gaped, he knew boss was strong, but not THIS strong! Ebisu stepped back, fear evident in his eyes but was ready to fight! In unison, they all lifted their hands in a henge seal, with a chorus of, "Orike-no-Jutsu."

With a poof, the clones all became naked blondes, diving towards Ebisu with a scream, "Harem-no-Jutsu!" All the "women" began to indecently rub against the jounin.

For a moment, Ebisu turned into stone, shocked. Then his nose _EXPLODED_ in a fountain of blood, the force of it literally propelling him off of his feet.

All of the girls poofed away and Naruto dropped his henge but not the triumphant grin that beamed from his face.

Konohamaru had trouble deciding whether he should: gape in shock, cheer as loud as possible, or run around like a headless chicken. He decided the third choice would not be a good option and he was way too happy just to gape, therefore the sonic BOOM went off, "YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! YOU BEAT HIM!"

Naruto plugged up an (human) ear with one hand and the other wiped away a tear of joy, _I'm soo proud! He reached a new inhuman pitch!_

Kami frowned, confused again, _That's not something you're supposed to be proud of…_

Kyuubi gave a mental equivalent of a shrug, for once not smart mouthing any word.

As Konohamaru's cheers died down, his smile slid off of his face. He realized wasn't strong enough, he was weak. He couldn't use the jutsu like boss could, he was weak. Totally weak, he would never become Hokage and get recognition for what he would do instead of Grandpa's fame.

He was weak.

Konohamaru didn't even notice the tear rolling down his cheeks until Naruto was bent over him and drying of his cheeks with a soft sleeve, "Alright?"

The boy blew his slightly dripping nose in the offered sleeve, ignoring the teen's completely grossed out face as he stared at the soaked sleeve, "No."

"Why not?" Naruto asked, ignoring the snot but then understood. The brat felt the same way he had when he failed the exams! _Awwww…_

Then the waterworks went on, _Th-that's soo-ooo ADORABLE!_ Kami sobbed.

Kyuubi looked distinctly uncomfortable; after all, Kami was crying on his chest.

"Listen kid," said Naruto waiting for Konohamru to look at him before continuing, "Not everything in life is simple and handed to you on a platter. But to get something to be proud of, to _become_ someone you're proud of, you have to work at it. You have to keep trying your best because the day you fail is the day you have died. There is no shortcuts to being great, but everyone can be awesome if they just tried."

Konohamaru stared at the vessel in shock for a full moment. Then looking down, he thought it over and nodded once. Glancing back up, a serious look graced his face, "I understand!"

Naruto grinned and began to walk away.

But the child wasn't done yet, "But Naruto!" he yelled, making the teen return his attention to him, "I will kick your ass before either of us become Hokage!"

Kami grinned.

Kyuubi smirked.

Naruto yelled, "I'll be waiting!"

END

Review. For Real. I'll like you to. Please? For Me?

REEEEEEEEEEEEVIIIIIIEEEEWWWW!


	6. Introductions!

MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I'M BAAAAAAAAAAACK! Didja miss me?

Well, I don't own Naruto and everyone else 'cause then they'll all be gay...and no one would watch...

Thanks to **DarkRavie,** **keruki,** and **The Elven-Spear** for reviewing;

and for everyone else **REVIEW OR SUFFER THE CONSEQUENSES!!!!!**

Oh, and there's a yaoi scene now! yay!

Start

As a teenager, it's an unwritten rule to believe your life sucks absolutly the worst ever. As a shinobi, it's even more predominate in adolescents and teenagers because of the high fatality rate their career has to offer.

Personally, Naruto thinks fate has it in for him.

_I'm late! I'm late! I'm sooooo very late!_ was his wail as he sped down the streets of Konoha. _I can't believe I'm so late! And today of all days!_

_**Will you SHUT UP! Even though you may want to get up at an ungodly hour, I still want to sleep!**_yelled Kyuubi, even though he knew his human would ignore him.

Kami was confused again, _It's long past dawn, and I usually get up before even that time. How come now is considiered ungodly?_

Kyuubi ignored his logic that made his own statment untrue and was stuffing his furry pointed ears, trying so hard to block out the rants of Naruto.

Today was the day the boy took a step forward to his long-held dream: to become the best Hokage ever. Yes, he still upheld that dream even though he is going to become the god of the forest and has a demon inside of him. But those obstacles or attributes only make him even more special!

However, if the boy didn't get in the classroom assigning the gennin teams within five minutes, he would miss the his team assignment. Iruka promised that if anyone didn't get them, they wouldn't be on the team.

Naruto was NOT about to let that happen! No way! Not after all he had been through! He's faced perverts and traitors to get to this point!

Lost in his thoughts (ie: rant) the new genin only came back to the outside reality when he nearly knocked over a street vendor. Wide-eyed, he just barely leaped over the cart, grazing the over-head shade sheet.

Relieved, Naruto raced down the street to the school, ignoring the angry vender yelling after him, "IF YOU DARE TO RUN AT MY CART AGAIN, YOU WILL DIE! YOU DAMNED SHINOBIS ARE ALL ALIKE!" Well, at least the man didn't see Naruto face-to-face. Otherwise, he'll be screaming "DEMON!" at the top of his lungs, convince everyone that the boy tried to kill him, form some sort of lynch mob and…

Well, let's just say it's a good thing the vender didn't see Naruto.

_If you were really so worried about it,_ Kami frown, _Why didn't you sleep in the apartment you had earlier?_

Naruto almost wailed, the only reason he didn't was the demon that was yelling at him to be quiet, _Of course I don't own in my apartment now! But it would have been a good thing if I was actually in the village!_

Kami merely shrugged, _Not my fault you decided to live your human life too!_

Kyuubi groaned loudly. Why the hell were those two still talking? It's time for the all-powerful, super strong, nearly immortal, Lord of the modern Makai Demon's nap time! Were is the common sense, people?

Ignoring the irate murdering demon trapped inside his body, Naruto finally made it to the school. Sighing with happiness, he bound across the halls then halted completely,

Kami sighed and smacked his hand to his face, he moaned.

After searching the rooms and being chased out of them from insane teachers, he finally found the right one. Flouncing in…er, bouncing in, Naruto grinned brightly.

"What the hell are you doing here, dumbass?" loudly questioned Kiba, the shinobi whose skill was inherited from a bond with dogs, "This meeting's for _graduates._"

"Look right here, dog-breath!" if possible Naruto grinned even wider (if possible) while he gestured at his forehead protector, "I passed! Ufufufufufufufufufufufufufufu!"

_WILL YOU STOP THE EVIL CACKLING?!_

All of the shinobi shivered at the evil laughter the blonde let escape. Well, the human counterparts did anyway. For some reason, Shino, the shinobi in the sunglasses and big over coat, was _buzzing._

Even weirder was Kiba's inu-dog partner. Akamaru, the cute adorable white puppy, was know to be very shy around all of the other ninja, including Hinata, the kindest kunochi that ever existed. However, he now leapt out of Kiba's huge coat and ran straight to Naruto.

Kami!Kami!Kami!Kami! the puppy whined, looking adorable, I'm so hungry, I'm about to starve! Feed me! Pet me! Pay a lot of attention to me!

Smiling yet again, Naruto proceeded to lavish attention on to the deprived puppy. The other gennin decided they shouldn't waste anymore time on the dead-last and proceeded to go back to what they were doing.

"Don't you dare sit next to him, Ino-pig! Sasuke-kun would want to sit next to me!" a pink hair girl yelled at another.

The blonde scowled and retorted loudly, "As if Sasuke-kun will _want _to sit next to your large forehead, Sakura-baka! Why don't you and your fantasies go and leave the adults alone!"

"Adults! Why you little…" seethed the girl.

Ah, yes. Sakura and Ino. They used to be such good friends until the "Sex God at Twelve" came on the scene. Now they're just at each other's throats.

The stoic boy grunted, "Hn," and made no move to stop either of them.

Naruto looked up from where he was causing the dog to be complete blissful, with a frown. Why wouldn't Sasuke stop them? One word and it would be silent.

Kami ignored the drama to coo at the dog (even though the pup couldn't hear him) _Yes, you are so adorable, you cutie! Yes you are! Yes you are!_

Rolling his eyes at the kami, Naruto whispered out loud, "See you later Akamaru." Jumping up onto the desk directly in front of the boy, Naruto stared.

'Someone's watching me…' Sasuke thought and opened his eyes slowly (in a very cool way of course). Four centimeters away from his nose was Naruto, staring straight into his eyes. If Sasuke was any less of a man, he would have jumped at the proximity. But he wasn't, so he just glared.

Naruto (being Naruto) strengthened his stare into a glare. Why they decided to get into a glaring contest, I have no idea. Must be a guy thing.

"Oi! Naruto-baka! Get away from Sasuke-kun!" screeched Sakura.

Both of the boys ignored her. Sasuke sneered, "Dobe…"

"Teme," Naruto growled back.

They would have stayed stalemate in the impromptu glaring contest for much longer time but fate decided it would be the right time to intervene; because after all, she has it in for Naruto, remember? In other words, Shikamaru, the lazy shinobi sleeping at his desk right in front of Sasuke's, decided this would be a good time to wake up. Yawning, the ninja sat up and stretched, accidentally bumping into Naruto.

Well, a wise man once said: every action has an equal and opposite reactions. As Shikamaru's arms banged into Naruto's back, both boys propelled forward. Shikamaru was able to stop himself from falling before he hit something, but Naruto was too close to something, more like someone, to avoid contact.

Yep, he hit Sasuke right smack dab in the kisser with his own mouth.

Shikamaru's eyes widened comically as he saw what he accidentally did to the two most deadly boys in the class, "Are you two alright? Gomen-nasi!"

"OH! MY! GOD!" screamed Sakura, "Naruto! Get your dirty paws off of Sasuke-kun right now!"

As he heard the indignant shriek of the fan girl, Naruto was infuriated and highly insulted. He wasn't supposed to be told what he can or cannot do!

_Oh no! Don't you DARE do something perverted!_ Kami wailed, _Don't you dare!_

Naruto decided to do something perverted. Wrapping his arms tightly around Sasuke's shoulders, he swung his feet forward to either side of the other boy. Without releasing that sudden kiss (collision of lips), Naruto inched forward and off the desk until he was in Sasuke's lap and their bodies were pressed against each others. Feeling Sasuke gasp at the unexpected contact, Konoha's most unpredictable ninja slipped his tongue into the other boy's mouth.

Sasuke was trying to figure out what the hell just happened and how to get out of the mess, up until Naruto started to really get into and dominate the kiss. Forgetting all rational thought, Sasuke inwardly growled, 'I'm the Avenger! I do not submit under anyone!' With that thought in mind, the last Uchiha began to fight for control of the kiss. Nosebleeds began all over the room as the ninja saw the tongues battle it out, reaching across and sliding into the other mouth. Sakura was speechless as Sasuke-kun leaned over and pressed the blonde boy against the desk, causing Naruto's back to acrch up and pressing closer together than before. Hell, _Ino_ was speechless as Sasuke 'won' the toungue battle (Naruto let him) and began to explore the boy's mouth. Finally, after six excruciating minutes, they released each other with a soft pop and a slight gasp.

Sasuke's eyes were glazed over, his supple lips slightly parted with shock, "Wow."

"You just wait," Naruto smirked an unholy smirk after he regained his breath, "Sex is even better."

Sakura was just about to yell to Naruto about, 'defiling her precious Sasuke! It was supposed to have been her job dammit!' but lost her voice in order to gape at the lewd comment.

Ino was extremely good at finding her voice in an event so traumatic to any Sasuke fangirl, "WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!"

"Well…" grinned Naruto, "I just made out with an _extremely _cute boy, and now I'm talking sex with him."

Just as the two girls were about to lunge at him, Iruka walked in, "What are you all doing? Sit down now before I kick you off the team!"

Immediately, Sakura sat next to the quiet Hyuuga Hinata, Ino sat right next a chomping Chouji, and Naruto (still grinning) sat right on top of a stunned Sasuke.

Iruka frowned, "Naruto, on a chair please."

Pouting, Naruto nonetheless complied to the request from his favorite kind teacher. Sasuke hadn't even reacted, his eyes were still glazed over.

Kami whined inaudibly, _I knew you were going to do something perverted. I knew it. Why can't you be somewhat normal, time to time?_

Naruto nearly snorted out loud, _Didn't you know, I'm not normal at all. You and Kyu-chan changed that for me._

"Team seven," Iruka read, already have began his team reading.

Naruto nearly hit himself realizing he missed the entire first half of the speech, "Uzumaki Naruto…" the said boy grinned, It didn't matter! Yay!

"Haruno Sakura…" the grin slid off his face, the girl looking none to happy herself. Crossing his fingers under the table, he chanted,

Iruka continued on, "and Uchiha Sasuke." Sakura let out a big cheer, (the were destined to be together after all!) while Sasuke slumped down into his seat, sneering at his desk.

Naruto, however, let out a deliciously evil cackle, "Ufufufufufufufufufu!"

_DAMMIT, WILL YOU STOP THAT!_

Iruka had to stop in mid of, "Team Eigh-" in order for Naruto to calm down. After Naruto's evil laughter died away, Iruka said, "Thank you. Now, Team…"

Naruto ignored the rest of the groups (including Shikamaru's and Ino's groans as they were put on the same team) to smirk at the Uchiha.

If Sasuke was any less of a man, he would have shivered. If he was Kiba, he would have crawled under his desk and stayed there for an hour. But he was an Uchiha and an Avenger! He wasn't going to back down for the dobe who stole his first kiss! So he gave him the UCHIHA DEATH GLARE © trying to hide his discomfort.

Knowing the Uchiha was slightly off balance no matter how stoic he looked, Naruto revealed some teeth in a wolf grin-all predatory and ready for the hunt.

Shivering, the boy turned to the front to catch, "Your Jounin instructors will come within ten minutes. Please wait here quietly until your team is collected. Good luck and please, don't die too soon."

Iruka left them to their own devices. Soon, Sakura was gloating about how she was going to win Sasuke-kun over with her obvious good looks and skills as a ninja; evidently forgetting it was Naruto who made out with her crush. On the opposite end, Ino was hitting her head on the desk repeatedly, whining how unfair her life was to be stuck with two losers.

Soon, the ninja instructors came and went. One of the more memorable ones were a pretty kunoichi and a huge man. The woman actually knocked Kiba out when he questioned her credentials, and the man slung Shikamaru over his shoulder much like a sack of potatoes because he fell asleep waiting in the small amount of time.

In not too long of time, team seven was left alone in classroom. Naruto was bored with annoying Sasuke and now was: sitting on top of a desk with his feet swinging back and forth, humming a nonsensical tune, and arguing with Kami whether to wake up Kyuubi or not (_It would be the right thing to do!_ _No it wouldn't! Shut up!_)

Even Sakura has given up on bugging Sasuke. Instead, she was pouring over some scroll or another about charka.

Sasuke was brooding. Yes, most of the emo kids now would be done, but hey this is the last surviving Uchiha we're talking about! He agonizes over the make out scene with Naruto, agonizes over his past, and agonizes over "someone he has to kill." See? He has a lot to sulk about.

Finally, Naruto decided punishment was in order for the idiot Jonin who kept him waiting. He had lost the freakin' argument with Kami and had sang the random tune at least fifty times!

Jumping off the desk, he skulled to the front of the room. Grabbing a eraser, he placed it on top of the door. Walking back a few steps, Naruto examined his prank, chuckling evilly, "Ufufufufufufufufu!"

_STOPITSTOPITSTOPITSTOPIT!_ Kami howled.

Looking up because of the snicker, Sakura told him in a know-it-all tone of voice, "You know a Jounin wouldn't fall for that, right?"

Naruto shook his head, about to explain that this prank was reserved for the really stupid people, and helllo! he was the one to escape all of the ANBU and ninja when he gave the Hokage monument a makeover!

Just before he could go into his speech, the door open. The eraser fell with a POOF on to the figure, hiding the person. All the kids gaped at first before Naruto started a victory dance on the spot, his invisable tail wagging hard, "Hell yeah! It worked!" _Totally didn't expect that but cool!_

Sakura looked as if she was about to cry, "I didn't have anything to do with that, I swear! It was all Naruto-san's fault! I didn't even _want_ to do it!"

Sasuke stared at the mess before him, "Hn."

The victim looked up, but they couldn't tell what he was thinking. A mask covered the lower half of his face and the forehead protector was skewed over one eye. The only remaining feature, his right eye, was crinkled, "Well, my first impression is…I don't like any of you."

Naruto's laughter petered off but accepted that. Sakura was about to sob/wail/cry. Sasuke said, "Hn."

"Meet me on the roof," was his words as he POOFED off in a puff of smoke. Thoughts raced across the young shinobi's minds, the most predominate on Naruto's were,

Making their way to the roof of the building, they all were silent. Well, with Sasuke, it wasn't all that exciting or unexpected. He is the quiet emo, remember? But it was shocking that Sakura wasn't proclaiming her love to Sasuke with the BS they were destined to be together, and it was strange how Naruto wasn't proclaiming he would be Hokage and the Best Ninja Ever YOSH © ! Well, maybe they were arguing with inner personas!

So they made it to the roof, staring at their sensei. The Jounin felt a shiver go down his back, but ignored it in favor of saying, "Ano sa, why don't we all introduce ourselves? Tell our desires, goals, and hobbies?"

They stared at him some more. Finally Sakura piped up with, "Why don't you give us an example, sensei?"

"An example? Well…" the teacher trailed off, looking to the distance, "Well, my name is Hatake Kakashi, I like a couple of things, I dislike few, I have some hobbies, and my dream is none of your business."

Sakura stared at him in bemusement and shock, "But what about all the other stuff? We only learned your name!"

Shrugging, Kakashi offered, "If you think you'd do a better job, then go ahead pinkie."

The supposedly intelligent girl tossed her bright pink hair back over her shoulder with an indignant huff, "Fine! I'm Haruno Sakura, I like…" she trailed off, looked at Sasuke and giggled, "I HATE Ino-pig and Naruto-baka! My hobbies are…" she trailed of and glanced at Sasuke again, "And my dreams are…" she couldn't finished that sentence because she filled with happy giggles, looking at her beloved Sasuke-kun.

Kakashi raised the one visible eyebrow at the fan girl, "Right. Anyway, the dark boy, you go ahead."

"I am Uchiha Sasuke. I don't like anything. I dislike a lot. My hobby is to train to become stronger. My dream, no ambition, is to kill someone," rattled off Saskue in a monotone voice.

Of course Sakura squealed a, "OMG! Sasuke-kun is so cool!"

Naruto snaps out of his "inner conversation" with Kami at the shriek. Dryly, he commented with a finger stuck in his ear, "Oi, Sakura-chan. Yell a bit louder next time. There are people who didn't hear you in Suna-desert country."

Kakashi hid a snicker and cut in before Sakura could hit him, "Blondie your next."

"Huh?" remember, he wasn't listening.

Rolling his eyes, Kakashi offered, "Introductions?"

A grin grew upon Naruto's face, "Yosh! I'm Uzumaki Naruto! And um…what I like next? Oh, yeah! Okay, I like plants and animals…I MEAN, ramen and yeah…um and I dislike peop-I mean the three minutes for Ramen and…I dream to be the best HOKAGE EVER! YOSH!"

Eye crinkling up again, Kakashi smiled, "Fine. Good! Meet me at training ground 7 tomorrow. And don't eat anything, you'll just throw up!"

The sensei disappeared in a puff of smoke. Finally Naruto spoke up, "Is it just me or is everyone insane?"

end

YAY! I got a makeout scene! but it was short! Does that even out?

Tell me if you like it or it sucked!


	7. The REAL Gennin Exams

MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I GOTS A NEW ONE! Squee!

I'll like to thank **DarkRavie, Ichihime, Forever Dreamin, keruki, **and **The Elven-Spear** for review! Mwah! Love you!

Warning! Yaoi make-out scene!

START

Shoveling ramen into his mouth, Naruto gave a big and happy sigh, _I love ramen. Ramen is the best ever. Without ramen, life would be incomplete. Wait, what am I saying? Without ramen life would be void! There would be no meaning to life! How can anyone hate ramen?_

_I'm just saying you should try eating the leafy greens. For the most part, plants don't mind…well, they don't have any mind but that's beside the point,_ Kami informed his host with a roll of his eyes, _Speaking of food, didn't your teacher tell you not to eat anything? Something about, 'throwing it all back up?'_

Naruto gave a pointed slurp with the retort, _And does it really look like I give a damn about that? Now leave me in peace, I'm trying to eat here._

Kami threw non-existent hands up in the air in exasperation with his heir, _I try to help watch your health but nooooo! You don't need it! Of course you don't need it! You're the human! All I'm trying to do is make sure you don't die before you're one-hundred, but you've got it all planned! Why don't you listen to me? I'm trying to help! Kyuubi, back me up here!_

_**Mortal, listen to your kami,**_ mumbled Kyuubi before rolling over, trying to go back to sleep. What was up with these two? They were always up before it was noon! The nerve!

Finishing off the third bowl, Naruto dumped the empty containers on to the rack that read RETURN, "Arigato- thank you, ojii-san!" he yelled out to the cook but inwardly deadpanned, _Yep, because I aaaaalways have listened to kami-sama…_

_Shut up, kit,_ Kami scolded sourly, _If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. Oh my, did I really just say that?_

_Yes, you did…you old man!_ jeered Naruto, _Next thing you know, you'll be sitting in a straight back chair, playing shougi-Japanese chess-, and complaining about the wild youth of today and how you would have never had done anything outrageous like that._

Kami was speechless. He didn't have anything to say. Well, he was about to say how he would have never disrespected elders so bluntly but Naruto's jibe sunk in.

Naruto chuckled, not the evil 'Ufufufufufufufufu, you better watch your ass' one; but a rare, cheerful, and happy laugh. It wasn't often the adolesent scored a point over a kami that has been alive for over a few millenniums. He would enjoy the small victory to the fullest while it lasted.

After all, despite having two beings, thousands and thousands years old, stuck in his body, Naruto was a little slow on the uptake. Thus the reason why he had only just realized that Sakura was trying to get his attention, and judging by her flashing green eyes and dark scowl, she had been attempting the task for awhile.

"Neh, gomen-nasi -sorry, Sakura-chan," Naruto smiled easily, in effort to mollify her fury, "I wasn't listening. Would you mind to repeat that?"

Sakura desperately wanted to burst out with a, 'Yes, I do mind! I mind that you weren't listening to me, you used such weird and polite language, and that you took Sasuke-kun from me!' but she didn't. Resigned, she signed and repeated, "I said, did I just see you eating ramen? Didn't you hear what Kakashi-sensei said?"

Naruto felt underlying tension in her question, but couldn't help but grin at the more than slightly annoyed girl (he has that effect on people), "Yes, you did and yes, I did."

"What?" Sakura paused and gaped openly at the honest to a fault blonde. Did he just admit what she thought he admitted? "You went back on orders? Just like that? Why?"

"Why?" repeated Naruto with the silly grin still plastered across his face, "Because I don't understand why I would have to go training on an empty stomach. If sensei wants to give me a good reason why I shouldn't eat, he should have said it. Besides, it was more like a request, neh?"

"You want a good reason? He said 'you'd throw it back up!'" Sakura argued hotly, "More like a request? Damn it, Naruto, it was an order!"

"He said 'if!'" retorted Naruto immediately, "Besides, even if he did order us (and I'm not saying he did!) I still would eat! Nothing comes between me and ramen-chan!"

Sakura's sharp mind drew up empty, point-blank at Naruto's...erm...eccentrics, "Ano, ramen-chan? You call your food by an affectionate female title?"

"Sure! What's wrong with that?" asked a confused Naruto. He always called his ramen, 'ramen-chan!' What was wrong with that? At least it wasn't like he had taken to calling the glorious food some actual name!

Shaking her head at her…well not quite friend but closer than an acquaintance, Sakura got back on topic, "But you _have_ to obey your orders! It says in Chapter Two, Section Twenty One, Page Sixty Three in the Ninja Handbook (How to Become a Ninja) that a Ninja must obey any orders from superiors!"

"Screw the handbook," Naruto snapped, "I'm not going to always obey some damn strange orders that I don't like. What if you were ordered to kill Sasuke-teme? Would you do it just cause some higher f---er ordered you too?"

Sakura tried to reply but was stuck. What would she do? Love of her life? Or the rules? Love or rules? Hmmm…that was a difficult choice for her.

Immersed so deeply in her dilemma, Sakura actually didn't notice they had entered the training grounds except when her beloved muttered a, "Hn."

"Sasuke-kun!" she chirped happily, blocking out her conversation with Naruto in a flash as she attached herself to Sasuke's arm, "Are you ready for our first day of training?"

Naruto gave a small pout at being ignored. It didn't help Kami was teasing, _I know there's a word for this. What was it again? Oh, wait! I know…DISS!_

_Shut up,_ Naruto growled at kami, trying to keep his face in the happy grin instead of a dark look he directed at, "Come on, bastard! The lady wants a reply!"

Sasuke sneered at Naruto-dobe but elaborated to the (fan)girl with a terse, "Yes."

Sakura beamed at getting an answer, despite the fact it was one short word and he had been goaded into it. Sated, she sat down on the edge of the bridge to pull out the same scroll from yesterday. Humming, she happily looked over her scribbles.

Sitting down on the opposite side of the bridge, Sasuke began the long sulk, er-sorry brood, about his absolutely horrible life and how no one else in the entire world could have such a shitty life. Ever. After all, he was an Uchiha, and they are the best at everything they put their mind to (even if it is sulking).

On the other hand, Naruto was not about to be extremely bored by talking with himself (does not include the two voices in his head) or **shudder** reading! No, no, no! He was going to do something much more productive!

Looking up, Sakura blinked at the figure on the shore, "Naruto…" she trailed off, trying to find the appropriate words before frankly blurting out, "Are you standing on your hands, burping the ABC's?"

Naruto twisted around so he could beam brightly at the distressed pink-head girl, "Of course not, Sakura-chan! Why would I do something silly that? I'm standing on my hands, burping my ABC's _backwards_!"

"Oh, yes. That makes a whole lot more sense now. Why would I have thought you would just burp the ABC's normally?" sarcastically muttered Sakura.

_Despite the fact that I am in your head, I too am at a loss,_ tartly informed Kami, waking up Kyuubi to help him stare, _How on earth is this…more productive then reading as you say?_

Naruto kept on going, to burp out a, "R…Q...P...O" and teetering on his hands dangerously while he made a face inwardly at his godly processor, _Because I want to! Duh!_

_**What worries me the most,**_ jumped in Kyuubi, exchanging a despaired glance with his fellow prisoner, _**Is that your answer makes sense. At least, for you.**_

_Everyone loves me, you all can't help it,_ Naruto caroled to his prisoners happily, while he outwardly beamed at his teammates and burped, "L…K…J...I..."

Naruto's companions, both on the inside and the outside, exchanged eye rolls. Naruto has that effect on everyone, supreme being or otherwise. He loves to be himself, even if people don't respect him for that, and he wouldn't take any crap from anybody. In fact, Naruto himself on the thought, _Nuttin' from nobody! Nuttin' no how!_ …Actually, he may have been a wee bit under the influence when he thought that…

After finishing the alphabet all the way to 'A,' Naruto began again. His teammates took to wincing at every rude belch, ie: "Y" twitch "X" twitch "W" twitch…

Unfortunately, for his teammates and prisoners sanity at least, Kakashi-sensei didn't show up for a good three hours. Three looong hours, only one of the hours occupying the hyperactive Naruto with the alphabet which he went through at least six times before becoming bored. He then started up a song or two or a dozen, still balancing on his hands, "He wore an itsy-bitsy, teeny-weeny, yellow polka dot bikini, THAT he wore for the first time today!…Ano...oh! I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts, dee-deedle-dee, There they are just standing in a row, bum-bum-bum, big ones, small ones, some as big as your head!…I don't know anymore of that song...ah...I'm a llama, you're a llama, we're all llamas! Llama, llama, llama, llama, llama, llama, llama, DUCK!"

"What's a 'duck?'" an unexpected voice cut in, causing poor Naruto to tumble over painfully, "More importantly, what the hell is a 'llama?'"

"Ow…" Naruto moaned to himself pitifully before leaping up (all better all of the sudden) and pointing wildly at the silver-haired man, "You're late!"

_**Way to state the obvious, kit**_, Kyuubi rolled his insubstantial eyes, **_What's next? You going to tell us how bright, sunny, and too kami-damned cheery it is?_**

Kakashi's exposed eye blinked slowly, processing Naruto's correct accusation, "Huh. I guess I am. I suppose I was lost on the road of life."

_How on earth do you do that? You only have one way to go in life_, Kami frowned in confusion.

_That's a very good question,_ Naruto told him and out loud (very loud) voiced indignitly, "Only a dumbass will get lost on a one lane road!"

Sasuke grunted rudely at Naruto while Sakura smacked her large forehead, "Naruto, don't call our sensei a dumbass," she sent Kakashi an evil glare, "Even if he is one!"

The wounded look Kakashi sent to his students had no affect probably because more than half of his face was covered up, "I was going to go easy on you all with what was coming, but now I'm not so sure."

Sasuke made a sour face, but before anyone noticed he had cleared it back to the unemotional features he usually displayed. He did not like to know that his teacher thought he was weak like his teammates so he had to go easy on him. Despite that, he asked shortly, "Go easy on us with what?"

"You need to take a test!" Kakashi's eye crinkled in a grin at his shocked students. Then the smile faded as he realized none of the kids, even the loud-mouth blonde, was going to shout anything with the confusion, so he elaborated, "The test! You know? Wait none of you know? Really..."

"WHAT?!" screamed Naruto, at the top of his lungs of iron. Sakura, the closest person to him, hunched down and slapped her hands around her ringing ears. Completely ignoring his injured teammate, Naruto jumped up and howled, "NOOOOO! WHY THE HELL DO WE HAVE TO DO ANOTHER DAMN TEST!"

If either Kakashi or Sasuke felt bad for the pink-headed girl (those damn bastards didn't all that much) they would have felt only the uptmost sympathy for the supreme beings locked inside Naruto. At least Sakura didn't have to suffer through the thoughts echoing over and over as Naruto wanted the answer.

**_Damn it, kit!_** Kyuubi roared angerily, **_Shut! Up! Oh lord, I can't even hear myself think...UZUMAKI NARUTO! Kami's in a catatonic state! His hearing is better than mine and you're too loud for ME!_**

Lost in the howls and roars of his roommates, Kami whimpered, _Should have ignored that human, even if he was the strongest in the area...Kuso, I won't be able to hear for a long time._

With one last glare at his sensei, Naruto stopped yelling. Resulting in his thoughts dying down to a more tolerable level, _That bast-_ (I usually only edit out Iruka, but this sentence is way to inapporpriate for anyone).

_Well excuse me! It's bad enough your teacher says stuff that, but you too? Better watch your thoughts, they become actions!_ the affronted Kami scolded harshly.

Naruto barely bit back a growl errupting from his throat, _You're not helping._ He glared up at his teacher and bit out, "You haven't answered me yet!"

"Fine, fine. Do you know how many academy graduates make it to gennins," Kakashi grinned at the openly confused faces, "Don't you remember? Well, surprise! You have to past a test in order to gain the next step of being a ninja!"

Sakura's mouth drew tight in a grimance, "I don't understand. I hate it, but Naruto-san's right. We've already passed the test to become gennins. Why do we need to take another test?"

"Think of it like this: you passed the test to get out of the academy. But that wasn't your final exam, this is. Depending of this, I would either accept your team or you all fail! Complete and utter failure is not an option." offered their teacher with a shrug.

He waited with an expecting grin. 5...4...3...2...1! "WHAT!" Yep, there it is!

Naruto was the first to regain his voice after such a truamatizing announcment, "WHAT! No way you...! Of all the...! GAH!" Well, he did regain his voice, he just didn't get his brain to complete the sentences.

Finally, Sakura resigned herself to the horrible fate. She trotted up closer to Kakashi and Naruto, who were off the bridge, to face her teacher better, "So what do we have to do? Some powerful jutsu? Fight each other? Complete some sort of written test about ninja's? Give us some details!"

"Well, your teammate better come over too. Don't want to repeat it twice if I don't have to," waiting until Sasuke finally join them, Kakashi smirked though his students couldn't reconize it behind the mask, "Well, you have pass this sort of retrieve and survive test. In other words you have to get _these_ from me!"

_...Please don't tell me that he just pulled a pair of bells from behind his back..._ Kami commented faintly.

Kyuubi frowned, **_I do believe he just did...Okay, for some reason, I have the feeling I'm going to need to bleach my brain after this..._**

_What can be so bad about a pair of bells,_ asked Naruto while he said, "What the hell? We get a pair of bells from you? Fine, the sooner we do this, the sooner I can kick your asses!"

Before Naruto could follow through with his threat, Kakashi spoke up, "However! Yes, Naruto sit back down I'm not finished yet! However! If you don't get the bell, you will be sent back to the academy!"

The cheerful statment almost shocked his students into silence again, but Sakura piped up, "But there's only two bells! What about the third person if...um...they don't get the bell?"

"Oh, yes. They are sent back to the academy and the other two move up in the ranks!" smiled Kakashi.

All three wanna-be ninjas twitched at the implication. They would have to wait one more year to advance, to become stronger. Even if they were in shock, Naruto wouldn't remain silent for long, "Fine, I'll just kick your ass to the moon!" With that setiment, he charged forward at the teacher as if he was reckless.

Naruto leaped up and spun out a powerful kick but before his heel could connect with Kakashi's face, the man disappeared. Before the boy could land back in a fighting stance, he was accosted. His arm was twisted behind his back and a kunai rested right above his windpipe. "Somewhat trigger happy, aren't you?" his teacher's warm breath across his ear (henged and real) made Naruto shiver, "I haven't even said 'go' yet."

With those words, he dumped Naruto back on the ground. The young teenager jumped to his feet, ready to go, not without throwing a glare at the two teammates who didn't help him. Sakura winced but Sasuke rolled his eyes, obviously thinking that if Naruto was dumb enough to attack Kakashi, he got what was coming to him.

Kakashi thought maybe he misinterpreted the team and they wouldn't pass... Aw, well. If they didn't pass, the more time to read his book, "Ready...set...GO!" with the final word, the ground disappeared with grey smoke.

As the smoke began to clear, Kakashi made a jutsu to cast over the training ground to find his students. Two of them, one pink and the other blue, was subdued in the trees. A slight smile lit upon the teachers face since he realized his earlier assesment had been correct, the two weren't totally incompetent. Kakashi spread more charka across the trees to search for Naruto. To his confusion, he was unable to find the third boy. Kakashi turned from the trees to the grounds in search of the boy. Suddenly, his senses went the equivilient of blindness.

In the middle of the training ground stood Naruto, brazen and ready to take on the world with a happy grin on his face. The boy's charka...was strange even for a demon vessel. Instead of taking on a particular color based on personalty and strengthes, his charka was as bright as the sun with hints of orange, green, red, and brown underneath. Charka rolled off of the ninja in waves, making the boy seem as if he was double his size and width.

A small smile grew into a wide grin as Naruto saw confusion evident in Kakashi's eye. Feet already slightly planted apart with one arm up in a block stance and the other cocked for a punch. Amusement danced in his eyes even as Kami scolded, _Don't you dare go all out! The man won't survive! Limit yourself!_

Unsure about what the hell was going through the boy's mind, Kakashi hesintantly called out, "Shouldn't you be hiding with your teammates?" Dammit, did this kid completely miss the point?

"I want to beat you, myself," the young ninja's boasted, he serious eyes betraying the levity in his words, "Don't worry. I'll make sure you don't suffer too much."

Kakashi could barely contain his eyeroll, yep the kid missed the point, "Well, since you could be my student, I should start a lesson. Lesson one: taijutsu."

This time, Naruto was ready when the man disappeared. Fake blue eyes narrowed as he borrowed Ashfur's much better sight. Watching carefully, he leaped up at the last moment while throwing kunai he had grabbed out of his pocket.

The jounin skidded to a stop, the kunai burying in the ground in front of him with an audible **thunk.** His eye widen for a moment in shock but his face settled into the lazy smile before the children could process it.

Before gravity could make itself known again, Naruto twisted. His right foot rasied just above his head, ready to slam down like a hammer upon the silver head. The boy began to speed up as he plummeted back to earth. Naruto began to swing his foot down. Odds against odds, Kakashi reached out and grabbed the boy's shin in a powerful holding. The world seemed to stop for a second as the two fighters eyes clashed.

The moment passed and Naruto found himself falling to the ground with only his teachers grip holding him above the ground. Using the momentum to his advantage, Naruto swung like a pendulem, his spine twisting to what looked like a rather painful position. His two fists smacked against the teacher's kneecaps but he kept going until the back of his blonde head collided with Kakashi's stomach. Wind knocked out of him, Kakashi inevitably loosened his hold on the boy's leg. With the only thing holding him upside-down was gone, Naruto's spine more or less snapped back to its original curve causing him to land with a soft _whumf,_ upright and ready to go.

Kakashi was nearly ready to fight back again, once he regained his breath knocked out of him. Damn, that kid's head was _hard_. Well, it probably made sense, to protect the precious little stored in there. Even so, he was a jounin! No need for him to be bested by a kid in taijutsu!

The jounin regained his breath not a moment too soon. Naruto attacked him like a fury of disturbed wasps. The boy's hands flashed over and over with the gleam of shrunken between his fingers. Kakashi look for all appearences he couldn't fight back, retreating just inches away from the makeshift claws. Finally, the young ninja lunged forward, catching his teacher by surprise. Fabric tore away across his biceps, revealing pale skin with small red scratches. Before his surprise crippled him, Kakashi collect himself.

In a sudden movement, Kakashi grabbed Naruto's forearm, snaking around the shrunken. The teacher's foot lashed out with a strong kick to the boys shin. At the sudden and painful contact, the boy's balance was thrown of. Kakashi seized Naruto's shoulder to turn him around, forcibly twisting his opponets arm behind his back. Before Naruto could wiggle out of his grasp, he caught the boy's other arm and applied pressure with his foot to the back of the knees.

"Well, this seems familiar," Kakashi murmured to his student, while his hand flashed in mock seals, "But I'm afraid I won't be as kind to you as I was before," with that, the teacher called out, "Special Technique: One Thousand Years Of Pain!"

With that, he rammed his fingers up Naruto's backside as he released him.

With a loud yell, Naruto flew up in the air and into the bushes. Fortunately, the leaves piled themselves up before Naruto crashed landed to save him from a bruise. Even so, he was so gobsmacked, that he could only think with the childish scandalization, _Did he just stick his fingers up my ass? I think he just stuck his fingers up my ass!_

Even though Naruto was shocked, Kami was far far worse. He was shocked and angry, _It's bad enough my heir's a pervert, but no! THE SENSEI HAS TO GO AND STICK HIS FINGERS WHERE IT DOESN'T BELONG!_

**_He's not so bad. The man will probably make a wicked lover. Can you imagine the domination in bed?_** a small line of drool trinkled out of Kyuubi's mouth.

_No, no, no, no, NO!_ howled Kami, _No perversim! Not now, not ever! Keep your thoughts to yourself!_

Kyuubi pouted, **_I can't help it,_** he informed the god sulkily, **_If I think it's hot, then I think it's hot._**

Naruto slightly snapped out of his shock to wail, _He sticks fingers up my ass and it's all painful! He could have at least followed it up with..._

Kami's voice dropped an octave to growl, _Don't. You. Dare. Finish. That. Sentence._

Luckily for Kami, Naruto forgot to finish that thought as his Uchiha jumped out of the tree next to him. A frown marred his face while he ruggedly helped Naruto help, "What the hell where you thinking out there? You can't take on a jounin!"

"Why? Are you jealous he stuck his fingers up my ass and you didn't?" asked Naruto when he was pulled up but nearly fell back down when the other boy dropped him like a hot brick. Barely catching himself before he made his aquantice with the ground again, Naruto turned back to glare at Sasuke, "What was that for?!"

The frown that had adored his face now twisted into a smirk, "You deserved it...dobe."

Whatever obsenities Naruto was going to yell, they were cut off by a loud feminime scream. Both of the boys' heads snapped to the direction of the tapering scream.

Without another word, they bounded off. Jumping up into the trees, they bounced from branch to branch with deadly intent. At last, they came upon a small clearing, with only one figure. A pink haired girl who looked truamatized and tearful. Her stained face was red and her mouth moved in a silent _no_ over and over. She didn't react to her teammates, even as they landed infront of her. Her green eyed gaze locked into one spot, seemingly nothing.

"Genjutsu," Naruto diagnosed after quietly observing her slightly out of focus eyes. His fists clenched slightly as he wondered why his teacher would go all out on the graduate student.

Sasuke made a small grunt to show he agreed. A small part wondered if this girl was going to drag him down. After all, he needed to be the best so he could put a scratch on his brother. But with a shake, he reminded himself that she was his teammate and he should help her at least.

Unaware of Sasuke's delimmia, Naruto made a sign, murmuring, "Kai." With that, the charka the trapped Sakura rippled then disappeared as the girl awoke from her vision.

With evident confusion, she stared at the illusion that had disappeared then glanced up. As she saw the two boys, a choked sob wrenched from he throat as she seized both of the boys in a tight hug around their necks, "I-I saw...y-you d-d-die!" was her wail.

"Sakura!" Naruto yelled over her sobs and iron-tight grip, "If you don't let you, you might kill us!" At that sentiment, Sakura released the two from her grasp, her sobs quieting down to sniffles, "Sakura-chan, do you remember what Iruka-sensei said about genjutsu?"

An odd look crossed over the girl's face, "Did you just call me Sakura-_chan_?"

Naruto rolled his eyes with exageration, "Trust a girl to latch on the most important bit. Come on. Let's get out of the line of fire," he said even as he started to drag Sakura and Sasuke into the bushes.

"How the hell are we going to get those damn bells?" Sasuke brought up, "We can't touch him. And he says we'll have to wait another year if we fail."

Sakura nodded in agreement, "I can't even get near him. Frankly I don't want to go near him."

As their opinions were put out, Naruto got an idea. His mouth grew into an evil and mischievious smirk that sent shivers down the spines of his compainions.

Kami muttered, _Please don't think what I think you thinking...please! Don't think like that, please please please...!_

Naruto ignored him in favor of smirking, "Well all we have to do is pick his pocket. I'll be the shade, Sasuke can be the wire, and Sakura can be the stick!" At their confused looks, Naruto rolled his eyes (even though he himself had only learned the terms from Kyuubi and the experience in the Makai-Demon World) and elaborated, "I'll distract him, Sasuke will relieve him of the bells, and Sakura will recieve the bells and help me! Now, here's what we do..."

Kakashi sat on the log, reading his book he had hid under the log before. Previously, he had thought he would be reading it from the start, but the blonde dummy had attacked him first off. Not that quick attacks weren't too awful for a ninja to use, but still that boy needed to learn patience. Even so, that was rather fun, even if he didn't go full out (he was unaware Naruto hadn't gone full out too). Now the girl was rather disappointing. He had thought since Naruto was supposed to be dead-last, Sakura would be even better. But nope, not even a fraction.

Feeling eyes staring at him, he looked up into the cold glare of Sasuke. The boy's voice was nearly caused frost to come out of his mouth as he said, "Put down that book. Today is the day I will defeat you."

"Naw, I think I'm fine like this," smirked Kakashi, enjoying a small amount of surprise flickering in the teenager's eyes before his mouth settled in a scowl. He smirked and said, "By the way, the third lesson is Ninjutsu."

In blind anger, Sasuke made the seals for his own family technique, a fire jutsu that spat flames right out of the mouth. He saw Kakashi disappear right before the flames reached him and taking careful control to spin around to create a ring of fire.

Naruto frowned. Now the question was how was he suppose to get close enough to Kakashi? The boy already assured both of his teammates he would be able to distract Kakashi, but he already had a plan in mind.

A slight manical grin crossed Kyuubi's face (Kami was in the corner muttering about perverts), **_You could always use..._**a picture of a certain orange bound book crossed their minds.

The boy's lips curled into a smile that resembled the Demon's.

Sasuke canceled the jutsu. He scowled when he didn't see any charred remains of his teacher. Looking around, he spotted the man leaning up against a tree, for all appearences, absorbed in his orange book.

The dark teenager raced up to the tree, drawing a kunai. Kakashi gave a kick, that would have connected if Sasuke was aiming for him. In one deft move, he raced forward, jumped over the leg, and grabbed the book with one hand.

In shock, the jounin tried to pull the book out of the boy's hands but only succeeded in pulling the young teenager closer to his goal. A smirk curled up and his hair began to grow lighter in color.

The man's eye widened and began to say, "Naruto..." before the boy put his plan into action. He revearsed his grip on the kunai and brought it slashing to the man's face. In shock, the man tried to move back, but was hindered by the tree he was leaning against. It seemed as if he had moved back far enough as the kunai bit and teared the fabric of the man's mask. But it was all for not as Naruto surged forward. Kakashi closed his eye and...

Felt something warm upon his lips. His eye flew upon in shock and he saw his student, his blonde _student_, kissing him with vigor.

On the inside, Naruto was dancing with glee, _I wonder how far he'll let me go! Hmm...only one way to find out!_

Without any warning, Naruto bit the man's lip with his sharp fangs. A small gasp escaped the man forcing his mouth open. Before he could close it, Naruto stuck his tounge into the hot cavern.

Naruto squeezed the man's obliques betweens his knees as he pressed in closer. One hand fisted against the black-cloth covered neck while the other hand buried itself in the thick silver hair. With a soft purr, the boy began to massage the teacher's tounge with his own wet organ.

Kakashi was really confused, but he nonetheless slipped one hand beneath Naruto's thigh and the other on the small of the back to support the teenager. An involentary moan escaped his mouth as the boy began to suck on his tounge.

A polite cough sounded behind Naruto. Kakashi snapped into reality to drop Naruto. The man was thankful the mask was still partly on to hide his blush from the other students. Sakura was pink from head to toe with embarrassment while a dark look entered the Uchiha's face. Both were holding bells.

Naruto looked extremely disappointed but not at all embarrassed. In fact, a small perverted smile crossed his face before he stood up to stand with his teammates.

Kakashi tried not to betray his usual thoughts but kept his sentences down to one word, "Report."

"Since my henge skills suck and I can't recreate the fire jutsu, Sakura-chan set a genjutsu on the field to make me look like Sasuke! Hell, even I thought I was Sasuke-teme for awhile! Then Sasuke-teme kindly relieved you of your bells while you were...uh...distracted," rattled of Naruto, an unrepentant smile still stuck on his face.

Before Kakashi could react, Sakura smacked Naruto on the upside on the head, "Don't you dare downplay your part. Naruto-baka came up with the plan and stood up to...distract you?"

"But Naruto-san didn't get a bell," stated Kakashi, setting his fellings aside to curiousity on how the graduates would react.

"Guess I'm going back then," Naruto sighed, "Aw, well. Can't say this time was wasted. Got to make out with two extremely hot guys in the span of forty-eight hours."

"No," was Sasuke's one word answer, but didn't elaborate.

After all, Sakura did it for both of them, "Sasuke-kun's right. You don't deserve to not become a gennin. If Kakashi-sensei can't see that, I don't want to be under his team."

At their replies, Kakashi smiled, which they could see, "I would be really stupid to let a team as gold as you to slip out of my grasp, and I'm not stupid," at their looks, the smirk became more pronounced, "Welcome to Team Seven!"

Naruto was first to react with a cheer. Laughing, he hugged his teammates in exuberance chattering how strong he was going to become and if anyone wanted to treat him to ramen?

**_Yep, _**Kyuubi mumbled, **_Will need brain bleach..._**

Omake:

Kakashi was exhausted. His new gennin team was tiring all because of the little blond bombshell that came on his team.

'But,' he mused, "It will defiantaly make life a little more interesting.'

Before he could go home and lie down, he first had to give his acceptance or failure to Iruka-san and the Hokage-sama. He trudged to the small building and open the door.

"YOSH!" a voice yelled as soon as the silver-haired man stepped in, "KAKASHI-SENSEI IS BACK IN YOUTHFUL HIPNESS! EVEN IF HE'S LATE, IT CANNOT DENY THE YOUTHFULNESS AROUND HIM!"

At the first word, Kakashi groaned, 'Aw, hell no!' and by the end of the yell, he was gathered into a bear hug. A sigh escaped him but he managed to say, "Yo, Gai-san."

Gai seperated and pointed to himself in green spandex glory, "Such a hip and youthful phrase! My youthful rival is so...youthful! I will run a hundred laps around Konoha as punishment!" With one last sparkle of teeth, the weird man took off.

"Kami-sama, I thought he never leave," a dark woman in the corner, Anko, sneered, "I was about to rip off the caterpillars he calls eyebrows straight off his face."

"So what happened to your team?" a bear of a man, Asuka, asked as he took a drag on his cigerette, "Team Ten passed, if only because their skills and the possiblity to work together. But they had to be retested at the log."

"Did Uchiha-san actually touch you?" Kurenai, the pretty, young, red-eye jounin eagerly asked, "Or did _Uzumaki_ drag him down? Eight passed, the teamwork is phenomenal! But Kiba-kun did have to have the log treatment."

"Please," remarked Ebisu, still stung about Naruto, "Even the smartest girl in the class and the top rookie of the year could pull up the...dead-last. Kakashi-sensei had to sent them back."

Genma, the senbon-needle sucking jounin, inserted, "The Uchiha might had pull them up if he and the girl worked together if they did team up. But they probably did fail."

"They passed," Kakashi spoke up before they could go on the tangent about Naruto would pull teammates down if they did work together, "With flying colors."

A shocked silence desended over the jounins before Genma turned to Ebisu, "I told you so!"

Before the sunglasses barer could retort, Kurenai cut in, "Did Uchiha-san defeat you? Did Haruno-san use some sort of jutsu she memorized?"

Kakashi told them blandly, "Naruto-_kun_ stuck his tounge down my throat." He swept to the office as the rest of the strong elite jounins froze in shock.

END

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	8. First Mission!

I swear, I'm alive!! Thank you all so much for being so patient with me! My computer died, then there was finals but now I have finally given you another chapter! Yay me!! I'd like to thank** TheDishonestTruth, silverharpie17, SlashnYaoi, Ckarrine, LikeYourWork, DarkRavie, keruki, Ichihime, The Elven-Spear, Yami Ryo, OtakuDolly, DarkFire Ruby, Rei Tamashii, Marevas, red-crecent-moon, **and **7sins7lies** for their awesome reviews! I'm sorry for making everyone wait so long!! Hope you enjoy!

START

A happy smile curled all the way to the corners of a fake-blonde head. His smile shrunk to form puckered lips in order to whistle a random merry tune, as the ninja skipped down to the bridge for his team's first mission, _I'm so excited! I can't wait until I get there! We could go to exotic places, see new animals to convince to come back, breed new plants, and meet hot guys! Yes!_

_**I wonder if you're happy? **_a rather put-out Demon that was trapped inside of the boy wondered sarcastically, _**Because I can't tell over your squeals.**_

_Stop teasing him. You're just jealous he cares more about his human life than spending his time to focus on you, _the other being trapped within the boy, Kami, told him off with a scolding glare.

Halfway through a pout/sulk fit, Kyuubi had a change of heart and smirked evilly, **_Don't worry your pretty little head over it. You're the only one I'll be jealous over!_**

Naruto ignored the much too happy snickers from Kyuubi and a heavy blush from Kami for the sake of his own sanity_,_ _My first mission! My very first mission ever! Ohmigosh! Yosh! This is going to be so much fun!"_

_Might I remind you that you just passed the bell test YESTERDAY? And that it was you babying your teammates all the way and pulling wool over your teacher's eyes! _scolded Kami.

_Does it look like I care?_ the shinobi pertly questioned, _BECAUSE I'M SO HAPPY WE GOT A MISSION!_

Kami tried to calm the boy down with reason but was forced to give up in mere minutes. Naruto was frankly much too excited to listen to the God's worries. Sighing, Kami turned his quivering eyes to Kyuubi and asked, _Will you make him listen to me?_

Unknown to Kami, Kyuubi was forced to blush as he saw those dark green eyes stare pleadingly up to him. His own red eyes (that Naruto had gotten after Kami bridged the gap between them) went from those beautiful eyes, to the supple pink lips practically begging for a kiss, to the had and taut muscles on the god's chest, and to...Well, he forced himself to think instead, **_You do realize the full moon is tonight, kit?_**

_I...know..._the winds went out of Naruto's sails so fast, both Kami and Kyuubi winced.

Kami turned to Kyuubi to inform him, _I take it back, he doesn't have to listen to me._

Kyuubi thought quickly so he didn't seem like a sorry ass to Kami, **_Uhm, so...you'll be able to see your friends? And you have a mission? Yes, kit will do so well on it! Completely outshining the rest with his superiority! _**Kyuubi began to preen as if it was himself who was going to do so well.

As quickly as his bad mood came, Naruto became happy yet again, _Yosh! I'm going to do well! You'll be proud of me!_

_You make it sound like we're...what did you call it? -parents!... _connected Kami, smiling proudly and oblivious to Kyuubi's sudden stiffening.

Naruto smiled, at the naive question and spotting Sakura-chan, _Of course you are Mommy!_

_Awww! _said a very blissful Kami. Then he rethought his reaction after Kyuubi burst out laughing. Paling, he finally recognized the human term, _Naruto, I am NOT a female!_

"Ohayo Sakura-chan! Ready for our mission?" greeted Naruto as he inwardly cheekily told Kami, _Sure, you keep telling yourself that._

Sakura gave a small smile back, unaware of the howling (both humorous and vengeful) in her teammate's head, "Ohayo Naruto...uhm...kun. Yes, I'm ready. I brought rations, weapons, an extra change of clothes, another hair tie, a brush, a miniature makeup kit, a first-aid kit, a small gift to give to Sasuke-kun once he accepts my love, and some jewelry just in case."

Turning, the kunoichi smiled where she thought Naruto was walking with her. However, the girl was forced to twist around to see Naruto shut his mouth sharply from his gape and snappishly ask, "What the HELL do you need all of those..._things_ for!"

"A shinobi will always be prepared for what lies ahead!" bristled Sakura. Her inner persona added for her _And I'm completely ready for when Sasuke-kun decides I'm the only one for him!_

"All that means is the weapons and the first-aid!" Naruto howled as he ran to catch up to a slightly fuming Sakura, "None of all that other crap!"

Sakura glared at the poor soul, "Well, girls have much more necessity than men!"

Naruto forced himself not to roll his eyes as he questioned, "Which is why you need all that junk? One set of clothes is enough!"

"If you want to smell like a pig!" a shocked Sakura shrieked, "I don't want Sasuke-kun to wrinkle his cute nose at me!"

**_He does that anyway,_** mumbled Kyuubi which caused Naruto to barely repress a grin as he tartly informed the girl, "But you don't need make-up or jewelry or a gift for the teme! That's just...stupid! Sasuke-teme wouldn't even _like _that sort of thing!"

Sakura's face twisted into an ugly expression between sadness and anger, "And what made you an expert on Sasuke-kun!"

Naruto looked over his shoulder to subtlety make sure he had enough room to run then smirk at her, "I don't see your lips anywhere near his! He had his entire tonuge in my mouth!"

With that said, it is needless to explain that Naruto was forced to fly across the fields to avoid being murdered by a homicidal woman. Running as hard as he possibly could, he couldn't even risk a glance backwards.

_Serves you right,_ Kami frowned, _Goading her like that. Do you have an ounce a brain in here? No wait, never mind, I hear an echo._

**_Aw, I think I'm rubbing off on you,_** Kyuubi smiled, **_You've got my wit!_**

_I think...you mean...stupidity, _Naruto gasped, sighting the bridge and a dark figure, _Can't...talk...now! Trying to...save my...skin!_

Hearing screeching not too far away, Uchiha Sasuke tensed to be ready to run from fangirls. Turning, he was granted with the strange sight of Sakura chasing after a fearful Naruto, the latter crying out, "Hide me! Save me, Sasuke-teme!"

"Don't call me bastard if your going to use me as a shield!" snarled Sasuke even as the orange ball of energy ran around to put the dark boy between himself and the pink girl, "Dobe! Get off of me now!"

Thatwas the sight Kakashi was granted when he arrived an hour later was the two childish ninjas were still running around the increasingly irate teammate, one yelling, "HOLD STILL AND TAKE YOUR BEATING LIKE A MAN DAMMIT!" and, "I WANT TO LIVE!"

Kakashi blinked and wondered if all the other gennin teams were like this. After all, just yesterday he was greeted with singing...Kakashi decided he didn't want to know so he just blandly said, "Yo."

Both of the gennin energetically running around whipped towards the sensei to scream, "YOU'RE LATE!" with Naruto tacking on smugly, "No wonder only the boys kiss you!"

Sasuke merely released a grateful, "Hn." but still glared at his teacher out of jealously as he heard Naruto tactlessly boast about that kiss.

Their teacher shivered from the amosity but still produced an eye wrinkle to show off his covered up grin, "Well, hurry up! Do you want a mission or not?"

The orange ball of energy leaped up, previous emotions forgotten in the excitement of the mission, "Come on, come on, come on! Get your fat asses up and moving! What if ojii-san doesn't have any missions left?!"

"My ass isn't fat..." indignantly muttered Sakura, but she nonetheless followed Naruto. Sasuke stuffed his hands into his pockets to also follow the very outgoing teammate. Kakashi looked rather bemused but nonetheless started to read his small orange book while trailing after the ragtag team.

"Jiji-san!" called out a highly triumphant Naruto as he burst into the office, "You're giving us our mission! Come on! Give it!"

Before the esteemed Hokage opened his mouth to give the young whippersnapper the proper scolding, a familiar warm voice cut in, "Now, Naruto! You may be here but your team isn't. Let's give it a moment, hmmm?"

"IRUKA-SENSEI!" Naruto practically screamed as he vaulted himself over the desk separating him from his beloved teacher, "What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be teaching? Oh god, you got fired because of me, didn't you? I'm so sorry! I wasn't trying to get you laid off, I swear!"

"Naruto, please calm down. This is just another duty I have to perform as chunin," Iruka said, as he expertly wiggled his hands through the vice-like grip the boy had around his neck, "Besides, don't you know it's Saturday?"

The child sweat dropped as his inner beings roared with laughter at his expense. A pout made his way on his face as he heard his other precious people laughing as well, _What is this, Pick On Naruto Day?_

Kyuubi had a smirk on his face as he said over Kami's chuckles, **_No it's Let's-All-Point-And-Laugh-When-Naruto-Says-Something-REALLY-Stupid-Day!_**

As the two ethereal beings cracked up and the two humans calmed down, the rest of the team walked in. Sakura and Sasuke glared at Naruto or Iruka respectively while Kakashi had a lecherous grin on his face, obvious even through the mask, "You sure get around, Naruto-kun! Already on Iruka-sensei's lap!"

The boy's grin went from happy to sultry in a moment. He rubbed against his immobile sensei as he purred, "Well, I did hear that incest is hot this year…"

The brown-haired teacher decided to ignore the perverted blonde to glare up at the main source of his problems, "You're late."

"I know," practically beamed Kakashi, "But all accusations can be saved for later. My team needs a D-ranked mission."

Iruka growled out, "I'm sure your team does, you perverted (edited out once again)."

Both of Naruto's teammates' mouths dropped in utter shock. When had their brilliant, kind, and soft-spoken teacher become the version of…of…an adult Naruto! Sakura glanced towards Sasuke to figure out what she should do. But Sasuke had already looked away to their teacher, whose mask had to stretch in order to cover his shit-eating grin.

The Hokage himself seemed on the verge of hysterical laughter, "Iruka-sensei, you may do well to remember some of your other students are present and can hear you much too clearly. Please watch your language."

Iruka blushed a tomato-red before burying his face into Naruto's soft blonde hair and mumbling an apology. Naruto smiled at the contact and purred, his tail softly wagging so his teacher wouldn't notice it.

Barely smothering his giggles, Saratoubi ordered, "Uzumaki, get off of Iruka-san before I revoke the mission before I even give it to the team!" The powerful man could barely hide his smile as his favorite gaki jumped and stood in attention by his team, sweating bullets, "Thank you, Naruto-kun. Now, a D-mission right?"

At Kakashi's nod, Iruka handed over a scroll. Naruto started to shiver in excitement, ignoring all personas, inside or outside his body, _My first mission, it's going to be the best mission ever!!_

* * *

_THIS IS THE WORST MISSION EVER!!_ bemoaned Naruto, trying his best not to cry from his sheer boredom. His dream mission was to rescue a beautiful damsel (actually he preferred to save the dashing prince but declaring that would just make the bigots in the village hate him more) or escort a beautiful princess (same) but instead the poor helpless ninja has to save…a freakin' house cat!

Well, since he IS a forest god partly, Naruto didn't really have anything against cats…he's just irate that humans had the nerve to "domesticate" them.

Kyuubi and Kami ignored him, already deeming the "mission" below their tastes and have gotten into another arguement over the importance of foxes in the eco-system of Kami's forest.

Hunched behind a few convenient bushes, the ninja cried into the make-shift headset, "This mission is bull! Why do we have to do this?!"

"Shut up dobe," Sasuke snapped, already irate, "Stick to the plan."

Sakura hissed into her own mike, "If you screw up our first mission, you'll be BELOW six feet under, got it?"

"This PLAN is bullshit too! We could do better just jumping out and yelling 'Here kitty, kitty, kitty!'" argued Naruto, ignoring the blatent amount of utter killing intent pouring out of his teammates' hiding places.

Sasuke bit back a feral growl to scoff, "Dobe, I'd like to see you try."

"Really? Alright!" grinned Naruto, already taking a stance in the clearing.

"Wait!" despertly cried Sakura, "We've got to stick to the plan! Dumbass, stop-!"

"HERE KITTY, KITTY, KITTY! COME OUT, COME OUT WHERE EVER YOU ARE!" Naruto yelled, causing everyone to stop arguing and cover their poor abused ears.

"**NARUTO!**" screamed Sakura, deadset on giving him the same pain he had cause when she cut herself off to stare at the clearing.

Sauntering up to the boy was a sleek tabby, looking like he just captured the canary dunked in cream. Wounding himself around the boy's legs, he purred, Yes? What do you want me to do, Kami-sama?

"Are you Tou-chan?" asked Naruto, not willing to speak the animal's language in the presence of his awed but evesdropping team.

Before he could answer, a persian trotted down the beaten trail, Did you call, Kami-sama?

Kami-sama, I'm here! cried a blue russian kitten.

Wazz goin' on? slurred a beaten tom with a torned ear.

A sleek fat cat came without even greeting the shocked god.

Kami-sama, Kami-sama, Kami-sama!

Naruto could only watch in horror as the clearing filled with cats, young and old, domesticated and wild, all here from his call. They covered the ground, climbed the trees, all waiting for his orders. At his lack of answer, the cats' nature of superiorty became primary to them as they began to argue with howling voices on who is the best...

Kami looked at the cat zoo and asked brightly, _So, what did we learn from all this?_

"NARUTO!" screamed Sakura.

The ninja's eyes widened and dived in the frey to find 'Tou-chan', _Sakura-chan is scary!!_

END

Again, sorry for the wait!

Reviews will feed my soul! THANKS!


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